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  1. #1
    hatimhussain is offline Member
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    A DAY AT HOME

    Hi, Could you please edit my draft in terms of grammar, spellings; I would also appreciate if you could please tell me whether the draft is fully organized in paragraphs or not.

    It is Sunday today and being a holiday from my work place I will remain at home for the whole day. My wife along with my two children has gone to her mother’s last night; so I am all alone at home till they arrive late at night.

    I am an early bird whether there is a holiday or not or whether I have slept late at night. Over the years I have developed this habit of early rising and I feel as if there is a alarm in me which automatically functions and awakes me early in the morning.
    My day starts with some light exercises to stretch my body and to enable me for a 20 minute brisk walk in the park which is luckily very near to my house. After having my bathe, I take my breakfast at about 8.a.m.

    I feel sorry for those who are too lazy and reluctant in getting up early to enjoy the best part of the day – I believe they deprive themselves of cool breeze as well as of the freshness in the air since there is less smoke of traffic in the early hours. I feel as if there is some kind of a magic in the morning period because whole surroundings naturally look fabulous and charming and it is perhaps because our souls are also inclined to enjoy the morning.

    The weather forecast for the day is very hot and humid and there is a possibility of thunderstorm in the evening. Temperature may rise to 41 Celsius as the day goes by.

    I have gathered the filthy clothes and have put them in the washing machine to be washed later. Had my wife at home I would be lying in my cozy sofa and reading Sunday Newspaper while having a glance on the football or cricket match on television. I always miss her when she is away not because I have to do the mundane chores in her absence but because she is very caring, loving and of course very beautiful – her ever smiling face attracts anyone who come across her. She is a favorite wife, a favorite mother and a favorite friend.

    Though it’s around 8:30 a.m., I can anticipate the hot, sultry and humid weather throughout the day. It is perhaps my natural tendency that I do not get bothered with the roughness of weather whether it is biting cold or severe hot summer days. In fact the hot, sunny afternoons reminiscent me to my childhood when I along with my friends played in the street, without being bothered by the roughness of weather. This indifference towards tough weather developed in me adaptability in coping with the harshness of weather.

    Already the walls of my room are emanating immense heat. The ceiling fan though running is reflecting hot air but I have to keep it running to at least avoid sultriness. I have closed the only window in my room to guard myself from the intensity of heat of the sun coming in.
    Lunch time is still far but I have in mind that I myself have to prepare the lunch since I am alone today. I am by no means a regular cook; I only cook when I am bound to do it as is the case today. Vegetables are mandatory part of my meal whether they are in the shape of curry or salad. I also relish fish and fried pulses for my lunch. Today I am going to eat vegetable curry. I take some vegetables out of the refrigerator and after rinsing and cutting I put them in the utensil and put it on the oven for cooking.

    I am constantly perspiring and the flame of oven is making me uncomfortable to stand further in the kitchen. I immediately come out of the kitchen and lie down right under the fan to get some comfort.

    My best pastime is reading books on different subjects like history, literature and biographies; these days I am reading about famous lawyer and author Erle Stanley Gardner, a creator of an exciting character of Perry Mason which is my favorite. I happen to have watched television series called “Ironside” based on the character of Perry Masson which was fantastically played by Raymond Burr.

    Sharp smell of curry has stimulated my hunger and I immediately rush to the kitchen, turn off the oven, take out the curry and relish it with boiled rice which my wife cooked last evening. I turn on the washing machine and start washing clothes and hang them on the string to dry them; they will soon dry in this intense heat.

    Peeping through the glass of window I can see the garden which is almost deserted. Trees and flowers in it are motionless as virtually no hint of breeze is there. Seldom someone enters the garden, walks through the grassy field and goes out the other gate wanting all the time shadows of trees in his/her brief walk through it. Because of holiday and mainly because of hot weather the traffic plying the road is also very thin.

    It is 5.00 p.m., suddenly I can feel the coolness in the air and hear rattling of windows in the wind. I rush towards the window and see the dark cloud cover, cab hear horrible thunder of clouds and continuous lightning – as forecast the thunderstorm has struck.

    Thanks
    Hatim Hussain

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Quote Originally Posted by hatimhussain View Post
    Hi, Could you please edit my draft in terms of grammar and spelling? I would also appreciate if you could please tell me whether the draft is fully organized in paragraphs or not.
    I have found one place where you need to space between paragraphs.

    That is all I can do right now. I need to take my sleep medicine and get back to bed.

  3. #3
    hatimhussain is offline Member
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Thank you Tarheel, I appreciate that you have read my long draft. Please have a sound sleep. Sorry to disturb you.


    Hatim Hussain

  4. #4
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    First paragragh. Perhaps:

    It is Sunday, and having the day off, I will stay home all day. My wife and my two children went to her mother's house last night, so I am home alone until they return tonight.

    In American English we would say:

    my wife and kids
    Last edited by Tarheel; 20-Oct-2017 at 11:57. Reason: Change something

  5. #5
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Second paragraph. Perhaps:

    I am an early bird whether it is a holiday or not and even if I have stayed up late the night before. Over the years I have developed the habit of getting up early in the morning, and I feel as if there is an alarm in me which automatically wakes me up every morning. My day starts with some stretching before a brisk 20 minute walk in the park, which luckily is very near my house.

    You could also say:

    close to my house
    Last edited by Tarheel; 20-Oct-2017 at 11:58. Reason: Change something

  6. #6
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Third paragraph. Perhaps:

    I feel sorry for those who are too lazy to get up early in the morning and enjoy the best part of the day. I believe they deprive themselves of a cool breeze as well as the freshness in the air as there is less smog from traffic in the early morning. I feel as if there is some kind of magic in the morning because our surroundings naturally look fabulous and charming and because our souls are inclined to enjoy the morning.

  7. #7
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Fourth paragraph. Perhaps:

    The weather forecast for the day is very hot and humid, and there is a possibility of a thunderstorm in the evening. The temperature may rise to 41 degrees Celsius as the day goes by.

    You could also say:

    The forecast for the day....

    Also, you can, apparently (as you did), omit "degrees" and just say "41 Celsius".
    Last edited by Tarheel; 20-Oct-2017 at 12:34. Reason: Add something

  8. #8
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Fifth paragraph. Perhaps:

    I have gathered the dirty clothes and put them in the washer to be washed later. If my wife were at home I would be lying on my cozy sofa while reading the Sunday paper and watching a football or cricket match on TV. I always miss her when she's away not because I have to do the mundane chores in her absence but because she is very caring, very loving, and very beautiful. Her ever-smiling face attracts anyone who comes across her. She is a good wife, a good mother, and a good friend.

    In American English we wouldn't say "favorite wife" unless there was more than one wife. (The same is true of British English, I am sure.)
    Last edited by Tarheel; 20-Oct-2017 at 13:00.

  9. #9
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    Sixth paragraph. Perhaps:

    Though it is around 8:00 AM, I am mentally preparing for the hot, humid weather to come. It is perhaps my natural tendency that I do not get bothered by the roughness of the weather whether it is a bitterly cold winter day or a very hot summer day. In fact, the hot, sunny afternoons remind me of my childhood when my friends and I played in the street without being bothered by the roughness of the weather. This indifference to towards harsh weather developed in me the ability to adapt to tough conditions.

  10. #10
    hatimhussain is offline Member
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    Re: A DAY AT HOME

    My dear Tarheel,
    I do not have words to thank you for correcting my draft. What a nice Website I have found! I would recommend all the English language learners to visit this Site and learn the art of writing from the people like you who are always ready to help those who post their threads with the hope that they will get what they want.

    Here I would request you all to please tell me about the remaining paragraphs also. Have I written them properly or do you suggest some modifications. Please answer.
    Hatim Hussain
    Last edited by hatimhussain; 20-Oct-2017 at 20:04.

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