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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    John heard his pursuers coming

    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    John heard his pursuers coming and smelt his fear wafting out of his body. His heart thumped wildly and he wanted to run away, but his legs felt like they had been ripped apart.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: John heard his pursuers coming

    Perhaps:

    His heart pumped wildly, and he wanted to run, but his legs felt like lead.

    Or maybe the original would work just fine.

  3. #3
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    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: John heard his pursuers coming

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Perhaps:

    His heart pumped wildly, and he wanted to run, but his legs felt like lead.

    Or maybe the original would work just fine.
    I'd go with Bassim's version. That "legs felt like lead" line already gets used enough.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  4. #4
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: John heard his pursuers coming

    True story. I was wanting to cross the south-bound lane of South Blvd. (a street near here). I didn't see any cars coming, so I started across the street. Then here they come! Instead of speeding up, I froze. Thankfully, the driver of the car in "mh" lane applied the brakes and a bad result was avoided.

  5. #5
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: John heard his pursuers coming

    I agree that "his legs felt like lead" is overused but I'm not keen on "his legs felt like they had been ripped apart". Most of us have no idea what that feels like (fortunately) and the phrase doesn't really give me a clear mental image or idea.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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