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  1. #1
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    As the crowds were leaving

    I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

    As the crowds were leaving nightclubs, discos and restaurants in the early hours of the morning, people stared in disbelief as a barefoot man in a white pyjamas led a white cow through the street. He puffed on his cigarette, hitting her slightly with a stick, while the cow wagged her tail jauntily. The couple silently disappeared into the night. Those who later told their friends what they had seen was accused of drinking too much and mixing their drinks.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    The strikethrough line doesn't show up very well on the forum so I will simply tell you this - remove "a" before "white pyjamas".
    There is ambiguity in sentence 2. It sounds as if "her" refers to "his cigarette". Try "He puffed on his cigarette, hitting the cow slightly with a stick while she jauntily wagged her tail". (Do cows really wag their tails?)
    Use "the pair", not "the couple". The latter suggests two people who are romantically connected.
    I'd use "disappeared silently".
    With "Those" in the final sentence, you need "were accused".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    Bassim is offline VIP Member
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    I don't know if cows wag their tails. I have seen them moving their tails, but I didn't know which word to use to describe that movement, so I used "wag".

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    I think I've heard "flicking" used for cows' tails.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. #5
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    They swish their tails to brush off irritating flies from their nether regions.

    I've never heard of cows wagging their tails jauntily like happy dogs do.

  6. #6
    GoesStation is online now Moderator
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    I don't know if cows wag their tails. I have seen them moving their tails, but I didn't know which word to use to describe that movement, so I used "wag".
    Cows flick their tails to disturb flies. They don't do it to display happiness.
    I am not a teacher.

  7. #7
    GoesStation is online now Moderator
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    Which nightclubs, discos and restaurants were the crowds leaving? The opening is odd without context.
    I am not a teacher.

  8. #8
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    Charlie Bernstein is offline VIP Member
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    Re: As the crowds were leaving

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    I don't know if cows wag their tails. I have seen them moving their tails, but I didn't know which word to use to describe that movement, so I used "wag".
    Flick is good. They also swish them.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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