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  1. #1
    Gaya87 is offline Member
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    An Indonesian Movie: The Doll2

    Hi, can you please check the following sentences? Thank you.

    Long Summary
    Grief of losing an only daughter in a car accident is what drives Maira irrational. She thinks she might still feel her deceased daughter around, but her husband, Aldo doesn’t believe her. The grief coupled up with guilt and sense of abandonment by her distant husband leads Maira to do the unthinkable—summoning her daughter’s spirit into her favorite doll, Sabrina, and brings along the plagues that take no time in engulfing the family.

    Short Summary
    A couple who devastated after losing their only child resort into obsessive act that can dangerously threatening their own life.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: An Indonesian Movie: The Doll2

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaya87 View Post
    Hi, can you please check the following sentences? Thank you.

    Long Summary
    The grief of losing an her only daughter in a car accident is what drives makes Maira irrational. She thinks she might can still feel her deceased daughter around (no comma here) but her husband, Aldo, doesn’t believe her. The grief, coupled up with guilt and a sense of abandonment by her distant husband, leads Maira to do the unthinkable—summoning her daughter’s spirit into her favorite doll, Sabrina, and which brings along about the plagues that take no time in quickly/rapidly engulfing engulf the family.

    Short Summary
    A couple, who devastated after losing their only child, resort into to an obsessive act that can dangerously threatening threaten their own life lives.
    See my changes above. I'm not keen on the use of "the plagues". Did it actually cause a plague? A plague of what? Locusts? Spiders? Did they all fall ill with the Black Death (commonly referred to as "The Plague")?

    The summaries don't match. In the first, you suggest that it's only Maira who resorts to the act of summoning her daughter's spirit. The second suggests that both she and her husband were involved.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. #3
    Gaya87 is offline Member
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    Re: An Indonesian Movie: The Doll2

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See my changes above. I'm not keen on the use of "the plagues". Did it actually cause a plague? A plague of what? Locusts? Spiders? Did they all fall ill with the Black Death (commonly referred to as "The Plague")?

    The summaries don't match. In the first, you suggest that it's only Maira who resorts to the act of summoning her daughter's spirit. The second suggests that both she and her husband were involved.
    I think I chose the wrong word “ the plagues”, it is not suitable after your explanation. Can I say as: which brings the strange phenomena that quickly engulf the family. Or, which brings about the sinister that quickly engulf the family.

    I have re-write the short summary to match with long summary.
    When a mother loses her only daughter, she begins to experience terrifying supernatural occurrences from her daughter’s favourite doll, Sabrina.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: An Indonesian Movie: The Doll2

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaya87 View Post
    I think I chose the wrong words when I used “the plagues”; it is not suitable after your explanation. Can I say as: "which brings about the strange phenomena that quickly engulf the family" Or, or "which brings about the sinister events that quickly engulf the family"?

    I have re-written the short summary to match with the long summary.
    When a mother loses her only daughter, she begins to experience terrifying supernatural occurrences from through her daughter’s favourite doll, Sabrina.
    See above.

    In the new short summary, you've lost the point about Maira bringing about those supernatural occurrences herself by summoning the spirit.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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