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  1. #1
    hatimhussain is offline Member
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    grammar/sentence structures

    Hello,
    Could you please correct the following piece of writing for grammar and sentence structure? I feel that one sentence which starts from "Now for me.... a week ago" seems large in terms of length. If it is could you please rephrase it by breaking the sentence into shorter parts?

    When I entered my room I found everything in a mess. Books and copies were lying here and there on the floor; fan, lights and my laptop were on. Just then I realized that Joseph, my nephew must have returned from his trip of Northern Parts of the country. I could hear the sound of shower inside the bathroom which confirmed his arrival. His university arranged this trip for which Joseph was so excited that he had started buying things like towel, toothpaste, toothbrush, soap and shaving cream, etc., a week ago. Now for me the only worrying part of his trip was that he would keep narrating every moment of his trip every time adding something new for days to come until I would be compelled to explicitly show my reluctance by expressing my non-chalant attitude to make him realize that I was no more interested in the repeated account of his trip. But I am afraid, he won't budge.

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    The trip

    The first sentence is fine, so we'll start with the second one. Perhaps:

    Books and copies [Of what?] were laying here and there on the floor. The fan, the lights, and my laptop were on. Just then I realized that Joseph, my nephew, must have returned from his trip to northern parts of the country. I could hear the sound of the shower inside the bathroom, which confirmed his arrival.

    More later.

  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: grammar/sentence structures

    Next sentence(s). Perhaps:

    His university organized the trip which Joseph was so excited about that he bought towels, toothpaste, a toothbrush, soap, shaving cream, etc. a week ago (before leaving on the trip). Now that he has gotten back the worrisome thing is that he will be constantly talking about the trip for days until I am compelled to display my annoyance and make him understand that I am sick of hearing about it. But I am afraid he will persist until he is sick of it himself.

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