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  1. Just Joined
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Nov 2017
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Red face Motivation letter help please

    Hi lovely people, I want to kindly ask you to proofread my motivation letter and help me correct and rephrase incorrectly written sentences. I am also looking to cut it into 300 words, it would be much appreciated if you could give me advice on the cutting. Thank you in advance.

    ------------------

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am writing to apply to your Master program in Finance. Since I started working for a PE firm, I found out that this is the industry I want to be in and set my career goal to co-found a social PE company. I have made a lot of preparation for it and I believe that, with a Master's degree from UvA, I can achieve a higher success.

    I remember when I first learned about the PE industry through an alumni forum, I was interested because I would love to take a part in various emerging businesses. I, therefore, undertook an internship in a top PE firm, where I found myself very enjoyable learning to play the ‘detective game’ of due diligence and exploring the art of building valuation models. But the “This is what I want to do with my career!” moment happened when I found out that many innovative start-ups that are now bringing revolutionary changes to our society are funded and managed by my firm. I have always been looking to have a career that improves people's lives while having good profitability, and the PE industry caters my appetite just perfectly. So, I was inspired to make a long-term plan: to co-found a PE company that contributes to the society by investing in firms with a social mission and guiding them towards success. To achieve that plan, I expect to work as an analyst in a PE investment company after completing the graduate program so as to get experience and extended my social network.

    I believe the MSc Finance program of UvA is perfect for me to study financial knowledge in a more in-depth and systematic way before realising my dream. I am particularly interested in the courses Advanced Corporate Finance and Valuation because I have found them essential for me to flexibly navigate financial scenarios at work. Besides, the curriculum is quite parallel to my ambitions as I want to improve myself in interpreting financial statements, corporate governance and financial modelling. More exciting, UvA offers an international learning environment where I can gain the advantage to learn to cooperate with people from different backgrounds.

    Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

    Sincerely yours
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 18-Nov-2017 at 10:22. Reason: Removed unnecessary line breaks

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
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      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,990
    #2

    Private equity

    Say:

    I am writing to apply for admission to your master's program in finance.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,990
    #3

    Re: Private equity

    Perhaps:

    I have always been looking forward to having a career that improves people's lives while making money doing it.

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