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    #1

    Red face Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    This is something I would like to post in my Facebook page. I'd like to tell my story without specific information ( I have a few reason that I cannot be specific in large audience but I did not want to loose any main message I want to deliver - I hope this makes sense to you..) I would really appreciate it if you could correct it - I did not want to post a story with my many ESL mistakes and your advice would be much appreciated. Please feel free to change phrase and sentence to make it smooth and natural. If you think I am telling too much detail or too much reputation , you can shorten it too. I do not want to sound aggressive or showing off. I just want people to follow their dreams. That is my purpose of this story telling.




    ----Start here------

    It cannot be specific for a few reasons but I would like to share a story here.
    Last six months, I had to make something very important happen. Several professionals who have 20 to 30 plus years of experience in a field that I was struggling in told me that it is not possible to get what I want and not worth to try. I really did not want to give up on what I want and most importantly my gut was saying big “yes” to make it happen. I was not confident but I wanted to believe in myself. So I decided to take this by my own. For a while, I researched, studied and worked hard on it. And something incredible happened. I found a person who has a skill and knowledge I needed and this friend helped me and supported me endlessly to make it happen and I continued to work on it with this friend.
    This week, I received an outcome. I got what I want. I am very thankful to the friend who helped me continuously and other friends and people around me who supported me here - where I live now. And friends and families in other states and my home countries. All of these people around me are the ones who shape my life. I cannot do it alone.
    Don’t let anyone to decide what you can and can’t . Nobody knows how you are going to work towards your goal. Only you know and only you can decide how you work. And they don’t know what help you are going to have.


    ----End here-----

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Say:

    I want to post this on my Facebook page.

    And:

    I'd like to tell my story without giving out personal information.

    And:

    I did not want to lose the main message.

    _____________________________________

    Have you posted this other places?

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    #3

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Quote Originally Posted by k-co View Post




    ----Start here------

    It This story cannot be specific for a few reasons but I would like to share a story it here.

    The last six months, I had to make something very important happen. Several professionals who have 20 to 30 plus years of experience in a field that I was struggling in told me that it is not possible to get what I want and not worth to try trying. I really did not want to give up on what I want to do and most importantly, my gut was saying a big “yes” to make it happen. I was not confident but I wanted to believe in myself. So I decided to take this by it on my own. For a while, I researched, studied, and worked hard on it. And something incredible happened. I found a person who has a the skill and knowledge I needed and this friend helped me and supported me endlessly to make it happen and I continued to work on it with this friend.

    This week, I received an the outcome. I got what I want. I am very thankful to the friend who helped me continuously and other friends and people around me who supported me here - where I live now, and friends and families in other states and my home countries. All of these people around me are the ones who shape my life. I cannot do it alone.

    Don’t let anyone to decide what you can and can’t do . Nobody knows how you are going to work towards your goal. Only you know and only you can decide how you work. And they don’t know what help you are going to have.


    ----End here-----
    .
    I am not a teacher.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Ted, when somebody has posted something one thing I often post something then wait for a response before posting something else. That is what I am doing here.

    K-co, the word you are looking for is mentor.

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Ted, when somebody has posted something one thing I often post something
    Tarheel?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #6

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Ted, when somebody has posted something, one thing I often post something then wait for a response before posting something else. That is what I am doing here.

    K-co, the word you are looking for is mentor.
    OK, wait for the response to your question first before posting something else. Anyway, there is no response from the OP.
    I am not a teacher.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Tarheel?
    I meant to say one time.


    Or, more likely, I meant to say has posted one thing.

    That was a goof either way.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Perhaps:

    I really did not want to give up, so I decided to go for it.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Perhaps:

    Then something incredible happened. I found a mentor -- somebody who was willing to teach me what I needed to know.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Kindly correct/advice on my short story

    Perhaps:

    This week I received some good news. Success!

    And:

    Don't let anybody tell you what you can and can't do.

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