Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Jan 2018
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    Motivation Letter(Paragraph modification)

    Hello, this is a paragraph inside my motivation letter. I will be grateful if someone can help me correct my mistakes.
    Besides, I feel that my expression is too cumbersome, but do not know how to simplify. So it would be better if someone could tell me how to make it simpler or more generalized.
    Thank you in advance.



    When I take a retrospective glance at my previous years, I am proud of things I accomplished. When I was in my junior year at the University, with the deepening of professional learning, I got curiosity about laboratory work and became very interested in water pollution treatments. Therefore, I took part in the Students Research Training Program and built a team with some of my classmates. Our research project in the program is "Preparation and Study of Composite Magnetic Flocculation Materials”. As many people have figured out at this point, science is not as glamorous as it may seem. A career in science requires persistence and resilience, as a majority of what we encounter is failure. That simple idea meant tons of difficult and meticulous work, and in the first six months of our study, all our efforts were in vain. Although the results of the experiment were disappointing, our team never thought of giving up. In contrast, We became excited about the lessons learned from the failure of the experiment, the reasons it failed, and how we needed to change and adapt our approach to incorporate these lessons. And eventually, we successfully prepared a new type of composite magnetic flocculant and applied for a national patent related to “magnetic nanometer”. The program has paid off in more ways than I could have imaged. Not only has it boosted my enthusiasm for Environmental Technology and Engineering, but also taught me how to cooperate in a team, present and defend ideas and confront failure.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 9,212
    #2

    Re: Motivation Letter(Paragraph modification)

    Quote Originally Posted by mimosalee1129 View Post
    Hello, this is a paragraph inside from my motivation letter. I will be grateful if someone can help me correct my mistakes.
    Besides, I feel that my expression is too cumbersome but do not know how to simplify it. So it would be better if someone could tell me how to make it simpler or more generalized.
    Thank you in advance.



    When I look back, take a retrospective glance at my previous years, I am proud of several things I accomplished. When I was in my junior year at the university, with the deepening of professional learning, I got was curious ity about laboratory work and became very interested in water pollution treatments. Therefore, I took part as team leader in the Students Research Training Program and built a team with some of my classmates. Our research project in the program is was "Preparation and Study of Composite Magnetic Flocculation Materials”. As many people have figured out at this point, science is not as glamorous as it may seem. However, a career in science requires persistence and resilience, as a majority most of what we encounter is failure. That simple idea meant tons plenty of difficult and meticulous work, and in the first six months of our study, all our efforts were appeared to be in vain. Although the results of the experimentation were disappointing, our team never thought of giving up. In contrast, On the contrary, we became excited about the lessons learned from the failure of the experiments, the reasons for those failures, it failed, and how we needed to change and adapt our approach to incorporate these lessons. And eventually, we successfully prepared a new type of composite magnetic flocculant and applied for a national patent related to a “magnetic nanometer”. The program has paid off in more ways than I could have imagined. Not only has it boosted my enthusiasm for environmental technology and engineering, but also taught me how to cooperate in a team, present and defend ideas and confront failure.
    .

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •