[General] Hi, please proof read and correct my motivation letter? thanks

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bennystar

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MOTIVATION LETTER

Dear Sir or Madam,
It is with great pleasure that I am writing you this letter to introduce myself and to show you my strong motivation and the reasons for why I am super keen on enrolling for the Master study degree of Sport Management in German Sport University Cologne which will commence in autumn 2018.
I am Mr. xxxxxxxx, xxx years of age, currently working in xxxxxx Sport and Martial Arts Centre as Judo Instructor, Strength and Conditioning Coach for Elite and Competitive Judokas.
My love for physical activity and playing sports started very early in my childhood and it never stopped ever since. My inspiration and strong attachment for sports definitely came from my dad. He was a famous footballer and sportsperson. He played football in the Moroccan Major Football League and the National Team. He also competed at high level in both Athletics and Swimming. He used to take me to watch him play whenever he played football or other sports. I started playing football when I was 4 years old. I trained in two major youth Football academies (Fath Union Sport and Force Air Royal). Further, when I was 7 my dad enrolled me in the local Judo Club to learn self defense against bullying attacks that used to happen to me in my school and in the streets. At the age of 14, I took part in Shaolin Kung-Fu and during my teens I immersed myself into Body-boarding. Other sports I have practiced are boxing, swimming, kickboxing, long distance running and cycling.
After finishing High School, I decided to pursue Higher Education in Sports Studies abroad. So, I applied and got accepted for Higher National Diploma Study Program in Sport Coaching and Management in xxxxxxxx University, England.
In 2004, I earned my Higher National Diploma in Sports Coaching and Management. During my tenure of study, I acquired deep and beneficial understanding of the various sports coaching and management theories and practices in courses such as the coach and performance preparation, the coach and the development of skills, sports management 1 and 2, sports law and financial planning in sport, etc. My interest and devotion to the subject matter is evidenced by my overall grades of merit.
Other relevant qualifications I gained in England are Higher Sports Leaders Award, Swimming Teachers Award, Advanced Functional Trainer Certificate, Boxercise Personal Trainer award, Kickboxercise Instructor award, Boxercise Instructor Award, Fitness Instructor Accreditation Certificate, Advanced Fitness Instructor accreditation Certificate and multiple Emergency First Aid Certificates and an Automated External Defibrillation Certificate.
My work placement for my Higher National Diploma course was at xxxxxx Youth Community Centre, I was working as sports coach for the youth and as an Administration Assistant for the Director helping her with the desk work.
This experience was an eye opener to xxxxxxx community. I learned about the local demographics, youth culture, their challenges, and the constructive role the centre was having in the lives of the youth and immigrants.
Other extracurricular activities I had while I was studying are that I was a member of xxxxxx Judo Club where I practiced Judo. In my spare time and during holidays, I used to do various temporary jobs mostly in the food and beverage industry to pay for my living expenses. Although these were relatively basic and entry-level positions, these experiences taught me valuable lessons in life which I still reminisce over today such as the importance of hard work, good communication skills, perseverance, cooperation, dedication, integration, discipline, grace under pressure and the will to overcome obstacles and succeed. Most importantly, the feeling of satisfaction you get after an academic achievement or a professional accomplishment which is second to none!
After finishing my Higher National Diploma, I began working as a full time Fitness Consultant and Instructor for xxxxxx Health and Fitness Club in xxxxx. I greatly enjoyed this position, as it involved communicating with potential and existing members the benefits of exercise and good nutrition and providing them with fitness training programs. Slowly, I built on experience and was able to progress to Personal Trainer. Afterwards, I worked as a Personal Trainer in various reputable Fitness Clubs in xxxxxx.
In 2010, I returned home to help with the development of competitive judo and make an impact into the performance of local judokas in my home city, xxxxx.
In 2013, I was the only candidate from xxxxxx shortlisted by the University of xxxxx in association with the xxxxxForeign Office to participate in the International Coaches Study Program to specialize in Athletic and High Performance Conditioning. It was a wonderful experience as I grasped further knowledge in the Sciences of Training and Movement, Sports Medicine, Sports Pedagogy, Sports Psychology, Sports Massage andxxxxx language both in theory and practice.
In 2014, I earned my Post Graduate Diploma in Athletic and High Performance Conditioning and took my Fitness Coach License-B from German Fitness Academy and xxxxx Language Certificate A1. During my course study in xxxxx, I trained Judo in the Olympic Sports Federal Centre and followed closely mr xxxxxxxxxxxx. I also went after couple of xxxxxxYouth Coaches with their coaching sessions. These encounters gave me a comprehensive insight on high level coaching, training methods, sessions ‘structure, instruction, exercise selection and team management.
Since I love travelling and discovering new cultures and countries, I ventured out into an International Professional experience in xxxxxx as a Fitness Supervisor/Personal Trainer and in xxxxxx as Sport Goods Store Manager. Most importantly, this experience rekindled my appreciation of Sport Business management, and it was during this time that I solidified my desire to pursue postgraduate degree in Sport Management. I expect that my relative work experience has provided me with the discipline and abilities that I will need when pursuing my master’s degree at xxxxxxSports University .
I consider myself to be friendly, honest, flexible, positive, ambitious, confident but humble. I have good communication and interpersonal skills, I am good at working independly and in a team. I am able to meet deadlines and work under pressure.
I have always found Sport Business Management fascinating as I believe it is a rewarding yet a challenging profession. I love the independence and the entrepreneurship the latter brings. Not to forget the responsibilities that come with it such as staff and business development, organizing and managing the personnel in order to sustain smooth operations of the business and to make a profit
I have now over a decade of in-field international professional experience, I grew up as a coach and have developed many professional skills to name just a few here, providing high standard of coaching practice, giving excellent customer service, upholding good leadership skills by practicing what I usually preach. I have taught clients and competitors alike healthy eating habits, safe and effective exercise programs and show them how to achieve personal fitness and performance goals through breaking them into small and S.M.A.R.T objectives. Being fit and healthy is simply a life style choice. when it is made consciously and with passion it becomes fun! I believe in order to be a 5 star Trainer or Coach; it is imperative to invest oneself on continuous professional development and to show a duty of care towards clients and athletes. You are only as successful as your clients and competitors when they show fitness or performance improvements and body transformations.

I have developed business skills like the implementation of marketing strategies, the ability to price, promote, follow up and close personal training sales. As well as managing effectively my own finances, paperwork and time.
 

Tarheel

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I assume you have read some of the motivation letters in this section. Were they unhelpful?

I can't imagine that you were told you should write one extremely long paragraph.

I suggest that you read the other motivation letters in this section. Take note of the corrections/suggestions.
 

Tarheel

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The word is proofread.
 

Tarheel

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Say:

Would you please proofread and correct this motivation letter?

(That's a question and gets a question mark. The original sentence is not a question and shouldn't get a question mark.)
 
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