[Essay] selfishness of social media

[k g buoy]

please do proofreading of this paragraph

If we analyze the social media from social interaction perspective; it has actually conditioned us to become less social. It has divided our social space into real and artificial spaces. Humans inherent need to have conversation, that socializes us, are now satiated by this artificial space. We barely moves out from this space to interact with reality; reality that large scale deprivation still exists in our society and requires our attention. As rarely we able to cultivate the feelings of compassion and solidarity towards it our actions largely remain selfish.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please [STRIKE]do proofreading of[/STRIKE] proofread this paragraph.

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

Note my corrections to your opening line. Remember to start all sentences with a capital letter and end them one appropriate punctuation mark.

What are you going to do with your paragraph when it's ready?

 

[k g buoy]

When it's ready, I will try to write another one.
Actually I am trying to learn paragraph writing that will help me improving my essay writing skills. So paragraph is not important perse but errors do. It would be a great help if you further identify mistakes. Thanks for your efforts. :-D

 

[emsr2d2]

When it's ready, I will try to write another one.

Actually, I am [STRIKE]trying to learn paragraph writing that will help me[/STRIKE] simply trying to [STRIKE]improving[/STRIKE] improve my essay writing skills. So the paragraph itself is not important, [STRIKE]perse[/STRIKE] per se, but errors [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] are. It would be a great help if you [STRIKE]further[/STRIKE] would identify my/any mistakes. Thanks for your efforts. :-D

OK, that's fine. We needed to check that this isn't your homework. I will look at your paragraph shortly.

Note my corrections above.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please [STRIKE]do proofreading of[/STRIKE] proofread this paragraph.

If we analyze [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] social media from a social interaction perspective, we see/realise it has actually conditioned us to become less social.

It has divided our social spaces into real and artificial spaces.

Humans' inherent need to have conversation, [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] which socializes us, [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] is now satiated by this artificial space.

We barely [STRIKE]moves[/STRIKE] move out [STRIKE]from[/STRIKE] of this space to interact with reality; the reality that large scale deprivation still exists in our society and requires our attention.

As [STRIKE]rarely[/STRIKE] we are rarely able to cultivate [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] feelings of compassion and solidarity towards [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] that reality, our actions [STRIKE]largely[/STRIKE] remain largely selfish.

Please see my corrections and suggested changes above. I have put each sentence onto its own line simply because it makes it easier to read. It should be written as one paragraph, as you originally did.

 

[k g buoy]

Sir/ma'am could you help me in this?
How can I form gender neutral sentences without using the phrases like he/she, his/her or sir/ma'am etc.

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]Sir/ma'am[/STRIKE] There is no need to address us like this.

Could you help me in this?
How can I form gender-neutral sentences without using [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] phrases like "he/she", "his/her" or "Sir/Ma'am" etc?

You can replace "he/she" with "they" and "his/her" with "their". You can't really replace "Sir/Ma'am" with anything if you really don't know the gender of the person you're addressing in a formal letter.

For example, instead of "I think a student has left his/her book behind in the classroom", you can say "I think a student has left their book behind in the classroom". Someone could respond to that with "Hopefully they'll realise and come back for it later".