An urgent request on proofreading my letter :(

[newkeenlearner]

Could someone please kindly help me to correct the following letter?

Thank you so much.


Dear Visa Administrator,

I am writing to inquire about my application status that has been on administrative process for more than two months. That is, I had a visa interview on May 18th in Yerevan, Armenia. My case number is AAABCEDFG. Now I am wondering whether my visa is going to be issued within coming weeks. The fall term is approaching and the longer my case takes to be issued, the less likely I am to make time for my classes.

As a students I need to make time; otherwise I will/might probably not be able to register for fall 2018 or might have to go through the late arrival or deferring process.
Also, as an international student, I'll need time to organize accommodation and other living arrangements which might take me much longer time than I have planned.

I would appreciate it if you could speed up this process to make me meet deadline.

 

[emsr2d2]

It's too wordy. The people in visa offices have little time to read letters. Make it short and to the point. Try the following:

Dear Sir/Madam

Application number: 123456789

I was interviewed in relation to my visa application on May 18th and I am hoping to register for the fall semester at XXX university/college. Therefore, I would be grateful if you would give me an update on my application and let me know the estimated date my visa will be issued.

Yours faithfully

[Your name]

Bear in mind, of course, that the visa application might be denied but you might as well make it clear in the letter that you are assuming it will be issued.

 

[bubbha]

Is the visa application for a UK visa, US visa, or other?

If it's for a UK visa, the above format is fine.

For a formal letter to the US or to an American, start with "Dear Sir or Madam:" if you don't know the recipient's name, or "Dear Mr. XXXX:" or "Dear Ms. XXXX:" if you know the recipient's name.

The colon is important. In the US, for formal letters, the "Dear X" or "To Whom It May Concern" is followed by a colon. (A comma is considered informal, appropriate for letters to friends and family, but not for business, government, universities or other more formal purposes.)

In the US, we tend not to use "Yours faithfully" at the end. Instead, we may use "Yours sincerely," "Sincerely yours," "Kindest regards," or something similar, which should be followed by a comma.

 

[Rover_KE]

Welcome to the forum, johnmike4993.:-D

I'm sorry to have deleted your post as you clearly went to a lot of trouble to write what was actually a creditable response. However, it added nothing to the earlier replies from native speakers, and suffered from the same wordiness as the original, to which ems drew attention in post #2.

Please state 'Not a teacher' when you attempt to answer other learners' questions.