Questions Regarding a Letter to Enquire Training Availability

[landie]

Dear moderators, English speakers, teachers or experts,
A newbie here. First of all, if this is not the right platform to ask this question, please let me know & I’ll just refrain from posting more.
I humbly would like to seek your kind assistance to give any opinions about my letter to ask whether a specific training is available in the organisation. I also have further questions regarding formal writing and I apologise beforehand if the questions came across as ridiculous or anything similar of being idiot <(_ _)> (I always find writing a very formal email/letter is one of my many weaknesses)
Feel free to edit my letter or whole post. Any extra suggestions/views are very much appreciated.
P/S: I’m using British English.

This is the letter I'm writing:

“Hi Mr X and Mr Y,
I would like to enquire about any available courses or trainings regarding reporting analysis on human behaviour that were organised by Organisation A. If there is no specific course by Organisation A, do you have any suggestions by other possible organisations/venues such as Organisation B?

Thank you for your kind attention and cooperation.

Yours sincerely,”
​

I humbly would like to ask further clarifications for these intentional mistakes:

1. Is it okay for me to include two different names for salutations in one email/letter? Or do you propose that I should use “Dear Sirs” or even write another different email/letter to send to the second person?
2. Should I use the famous “I am writing to..” instead of “I would like to..”? Or was it a bit archaic but in a good way (I’m referring to “I am writing to..”)?
3. I said “…were organised by Organisation A” instead of “…were organised by your organisation” because I personally think that I want to avoid the sentence to indicate that the organisation is his company. Do you think it’s correct (or wrong) to think that way?
4. The main concern for this email/letter is to enquire about any possible trainings/courses in their organisation before I made a formal request for the trainings. Do you think the email/letter should elaborate more on this especially on my plan? Maybe because the letter is too short and can be confusing?
5. I’ve read that some suggested to use “Yours faithfully” instead of “Yours sincerely” when we refer to someone who we are not familiar with (like, when using “To whom it may concern”, we use “Yours faithfully”). Is it wrong to use “Yours sincerely” to end a “Dear Sir/Mdm” email/letter?

Thank you in advance for the assistance!

 

[teechar]

Hello landie, and welcome to the forum.

[STRIKE]Hi[/STRIKE] Dear Mr X and Mr Y,

I would like to enquire about any available courses or training programs [STRIKE]regarding[/STRIKE] on reporting analysis [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] of human behaviour, [STRIKE]that were[/STRIKE] organised by [STRIKE]Organisation[/STRIKE] A. If there is no specific course by [STRIKE]Organisation[/STRIKE] A, [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] can you [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] recommend or suggest any [STRIKE]suggestions[/STRIKE] courses by other [STRIKE]possible[/STRIKE] organisations [STRIKE]/venues[/STRIKE] such as [STRIKE]Organisation[/STRIKE] B?

Thank you for your kind attention and help. [STRIKE]cooperation.[/STRIKE]

Yours sincerely,

Landie Smith

Is it okay for me to [STRIKE]include two different names for salutations in one[/STRIKE] address the email/letter to two people? Or do you propose that I should use “Dear Sirs” or even write another different email/letter to send to the second person?

If those two people are the intended recipients, then it's okay to address a letter/email to both.

Should I use the famous “I am writing to..” instead of “I would like to..”? Or [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] is it a bit archaic but [STRIKE]in a good way[/STRIKE] formal to say "I’m referring to" or “I am writing to..”?

All those are used. It depends on the sentence and context.

I said “…were organised by Organisation A” instead of “…were organised by your organisation” because I personally think that I want to avoid the sentence to indicate that the organisation is his company. Do you think it’s correct (or wrong) to think that way?

It's perfectly okay to use "your company/organization". And it is also okay to use the name of the company/organization. However, the vast majority of companies/organizations do not actually have "company" or "organization" as part of their names!

The main [STRIKE]concern for[/STRIKE] purpose of this email/letter is to enquire about any possible training programs/courses in their organisation before I made a formal application. [STRIKE]request for the trainings.[/STRIKE] Do you think the email/letter should elaborate more on this, especially on my plan? Maybe [STRIKE]because[/STRIKE] the letter is too short and can be confusing?

I don't really understand what "reporting analysis of human behavior" means, so I can't really comment on that. However, I think your letter/email is okay. If they need further information, they can contact you.

I’ve read that some suggest [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] using “Yours faithfully” instead of “Yours sincerely” when we refer to someone who we are not familiar with (like, when using “To whom it may concern”, we use “Yours faithfully”). Is it wrong to use “Yours sincerely” to end a “Dear Sir/Madam” email/letter?

It's convention.