Need help on this Motivation Letter

[Amorphage]

Dear Application Officer:
I’ve wanted to study Science ever since my first-year science teacher, XXXX, helped me discover a love of the sciences and especially Biology through his encouragement of curiosity which naturally produced an air of openness and enthusiasm during his classes throughout my time in XXXX and led to my adoption of the phrase “there are no stupid questions” which I’ve used plenty of times when mentoring fellow students in Biology and Chemistry. Through this letter, I would like to put forward my candidacy for enrolment in this degree.

I chose Biology at XXXX as my top choice for several reasons. The first being my aptitude for Biology, ever since starting my very first science class in primary school I knew that I wanted to study living things as I find it very easy to relate and connect the classroom to the living world and the environment around me and this makes for easy motivation during study time. Learning about things that are happening in my body as well as every other body is extremely interesting to me and gives me a feeling of awe, but I am also interested in all other aspects of life as well as mankind's influence on nature throughout Earth’s existence. This feeling of awe was multiplied by my father's raising up in a farming household as a child and conferring his love of Biology to me during my childhood. The second reason I chose Biology was my problem-solving outlook. I view Biology and its disciplines as puzzle pieces/problems and the more studies we undertake, the more we complete the puzzle, and this gives me motivation to complete or at least contribute to the completion of the puzzle. One example of a puzzle I in particularly have an interest in is genomics. Therefore, due to my problem solver mindset, I think I’d be well suited to study Biology. The final reason I'd like to study Biology and in particular, Biomedical Sciences, is to strengthen my Biology-Chemistry scientific foundation and do a degree that incorporates both closely as I’d like to involve both of them in my future career/master’s degree. The main reason I chose XXXX was because it is in my home country of XXXX, which I’ve always wanted to go back to and live there since I was a child and I believe studying at XXXX will give me that experience. The other reason I chose XXXX was because after doing research of Dutch Universities I found it to be one of the best on offer, especially in the discipline of Biological Sciences as well as XXX close ties with XXXX.

The specialisation I am interested in is Biomedical Sciences. I’m interested in the Biomedical Sciences specialisation because more than any other discipline in Biology, I love learning about the intricacies of the human body, am a very observant person and would prefer to work in the health/pharmaceutical industry. Because of my interest in the human body I think I would really enjoy Physiology, Anatomy and Biochemistry which are all integral parts of Biomedicine. After the degree I’d like to begin work as a genomic or medical researcher.

Studying in an international and intercultural city such as XXXX is of great interest to me as the schools I’ve attended in XXXX have been mostly comprised of Irish nationals, in fact, the few international students I have met during my studies in XXXX in primary and secondary school have remained my closest and most cherished friends. Therefore, I’d love the ability to meet more international and intercultural people in the hopes of learning more about them and the world in general, learn more about my own culture from other people of my nationalities and make more friends along the way. XXX's stance as a student city has also not evaded me and is a major attraction for me not to mention the culture that comes with a student city such as the night life and diversity of cultures.
I believe the skills I will gain from the Biology programme will greatly help my future career in Biology. The main skill I will gain I believe will be a new way of thinking, an investigative perspective which will strengthen my critical thinking. Evaluation and interpretation skills combined with data analysis skills gained from the degree will also be of great use towards my future career.

I did not do too well in my Leaving Certificate as my family moved after I had finished 5^th year in XXXX to XXXX where my new secondary school was not as well funded and therefore, I could not continue some of the subjects I had been learning for 4 years prior. These were XXXX and XXXX, which I was forced to pick up as the new school did not provide XXXX and XXXX and XXXX, which both schools had, however the new school was picking the other curriculum (There are 2 curriculums in Leaving Certificate History). This devastated my leaving certificate points; however, I am still missing Chemistry and Physics in relation to the course requirements and therefore I will be doing those subjects in June for the Leaving Certificate and will be expecting a H3/H4(70/60%) in Chemistry and an O4/O5(60/50%) in Physics to make up for this.
Thank you for considering my application. I would also be open to an interview if needed.
Kind Regards




Any help would be extremely appreciated. Require help pretty soon, deadline is on 1st of May.

[emsr2d2]

Any help would be extremely appreciated. Require help pretty soon, deadline is on 1st of May.

Welcome to the forum.

Please note that we don't respond well to hints of urgency. If the deadline is May 1st (tomorrow), perhaps you should have started working on it much sooner. I'm sure you can find a paid proofreader/editor to do it if you need it in such a rush.

[teechar]

Dear Admissions Officer,

I have wanted to study science ever since my first-year science teacher, helped me discover a love of the sciences and especially biology through his encouragement of curiosity which led to my adoption of the phrase “there are no stupid questions” which I have used plenty of times when mentoring fellow students in biology and chemistry. With this letter, I would like to put forward my candidacy for enrolment in the [name of degree] degree program.

I selected biology at XXXX as my top choice for several reasons - the first being my aptitude for biology. Ever since starting my very first science class in primary school, I knew that I wanted to study living things as I find it very easy to relate to and connect with the living world and the environment around me. Learning about things happening in my body as well as every other species is extremely interesting to me, but I am also interested in all other aspects of life as well as mankind's influence on nature throughout Earth’s existence. This interest was complemented by my father's rural background and his conferring his love of biology to me during my childhood.

The second reason I chose biology is my interest in applying my problem-solving skills in this field. I view biology and its sub-disciplines as puzzle pieces, and the more studies we undertake, the closer we get to completing the puzzle. This motivates me to complete, or at least contribute to, the completion of the puzzle. One such example is genomics, which needs a critical mindset. The final reason I wish to study biology, and in particular biomedical sciences, is to strengthen my scientific foundation in biology/chemistry and do a degree that incorporates both as I plan to involve both in my master’s degree and future career. The main reason I chose XXXX is because it is in my home country of XXXX, which I have always wanted to go back to and live there since I was a child. Furthermore, XXXX is one of the best Dutch universities, especially in the discipline of biological sciences as well as XXX close ties with XXXX.

I am interested in the biomedical sciences because I love learning about the intricacies of the human body. I am a very observant person and would prefer to work in the health/pharmaceutical industry. Because of my interest in the human body I think I would really enjoy physiology, anatomy and biochemistry which are all integral parts of biomedicine. After graduating, I would like to begin work as a genomic or medical researcher.

Studying in an international and intercultural city such as XXXX is of great interest to me as the schools I have attended in XXXX have been mostly comprised of Irish nationals. In fact, the few international students I have met during my studies in XXXX in primary and secondary school have remained my closest and most cherished friends. Therefore, I would cherish the opportunity to meet more international people in the hope of learning more about them and the world in general, and making more friends along the way. XXX's reputation as a student city is also a major attraction for me, not to mention the culture that comes with a student city such as the night life and diversity of cultures.

I believe the skills I will gain from the biology programme will greatly help my future career. The main skill I will gain I believe will be a new way of thinking, an investigative perspective which will strengthen my critical thinking. The evaluation and interpretation skills combined with data analysis skills gained from the degree will also be of great use in my future career.

I did not excel in my Leaving Certificate as my family moved after I had finished 5th year in XXXX to XXXX where my new secondary school was not as well funded and therefore, I could not continue some of the subjects I had been learning for the four previous years. These were XXXX and XXXX, which I was forced to pick up as the new school did not provide XXXX and XXXX and XXXX, which both schools had. However, the new school had the other curriculum (There are 2 curricula in Leaving Certificate History). This impacted my leaving certificate points. However, I am still missing chemistry and physics in relation to the course requirements, and therefore I will be doing those subjects in June for the Leaving Certificate and will be expecting a H3/H4 (70/60%) in chemistry and an O4/O5 (60/50%) in physics to make up for this.

Thank you for considering my application. I am available for interview if needed.

Yours faithfully,

Amor Phage

Good luck.

[Amorphage]

Thank you very much Teechar

[Tarheel]

Dear Application Officer:
I’ve wanted to study Science ever since my first-year science teacher, XXXX, helped me discover a love of the sciences and especially Biology through his encouragement of curiosity which naturally produced an air of openness and enthusiasm during his classes throughout my time in XXXX and led to my adoption of the phrase “there are no stupid questions” which I’ve used plenty of times when mentoring fellow students in Biology and Chemistry.

You need to rewrite that, making three or four sentences out of that one long (run on) sentence.

You use too many words. (You're not supposed to be writing a novel.)

You capitalized biology several times.

(I've run across quite a few stupid questions. )

[Amorphage]

"I’ve wanted to study Science ever since my first-year science teacher, XXXX, helped me discover a love of the sciences and especially biology, through his encouragement of curiosity. This naturally produced an air of openness and enthusiasm during his classes throughout my time in XXXX and led to my adoption of the phrase “there are no stupid questions”. A phrase which I’ve used plenty of times when mentoring fellow students in biology and chemistry. Through this letter, I would like to put forward my candidacy for enrolment in the biology programme."

Is this good?

Also about the using too many words thing, I'll try and trim it down a good bit.

Massive thanks for telling me that biology shouldn't be capitalized, I had literally no idea. I undid the capitalization on chemistry too.