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  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    How can we get more students into science?

    Hello,
    I'm taking a CAE exam, writing an essay is part of it. I want to practise my writing skills. If one of you, awesome people of this forum, could spare a moment to check my essay, maybe even evaluate it, I would be grateful.

    The topic below is an example of the writing task in this exam.


    You have attended a Science Club lecture on how schools could encourage young people to train for careers in science. You have made the notes below.
    Ways in which schools could encourage young people to train for careers in science
    • enjoyable science lessons.
    • careers advice.
    • guest lectures from professional scientists.

    Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
    'Kids should be able to design their own experiments.'
    'A lot of the careers advice given is already out of date.'
    'A lot of the scientists are too busy to spend time visiting schools.'

    Write an essay for your tutor, discussing two of the methods in your notes. You should explain which method you think is more important for governments to consider, giving reasons to support your opinion.
    You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed during the discussion but you should use your own words as far as possible.
    Write your essay in 220-260 words in an appropriate style.


    Science has enabled humans to dominate the world, its importance is not questionable, but "how are we planning to get more students interested in this discipline?" still remains an open question. In this essay, I am going to answer it by discussing two methods of making young people more interested in this subject.

    One way of making the young more enthusiastic about science is to aquire a passionate person who could infect them with their attitude. A guest giving occasional lectures about what inspired them to becoming a scientist could be a successful strategy, provided such a person can be found. The latter part of the previous statement is the problem of this strategy, scientists are often busy and cannot find enough time to roam around universities for auxiliary lecutres.

    The second approach is simply making the syllabus more enjoyable. Young people are energetic and want to be involved. Allowing students to personalize what they are to work on is a great way of making them engaged, especially when we consider the fact that every person is different. This, however, would be extremely difficult to evaluate, and consistency of the program the university uses would be endangered.

    In my opinion, the method I suggested in the second paragraph of this essay is more risky. Simply choosing a wrong person to give lectures could ruin the view on science young people will develop. Giving students more freedom of choice in what they learn is more preferrable and I am certain it would prove to be effective.



    Total Word Count: 255
    Total Unique Words: 146
    Number of Sentences: 13
    Average Sentence Length: 19.6
    Number of Paragraphs: 4
    Hard Words: (16.86%) (what's this?)
    Lexical Density: 57.25 (what's this?)
    Fog Index: 14.59 (what's this?)

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    You should tell us where you got this table from if you want to know the definitions. However, you can look up the last two on Google; they're defined well there. "Hard words" would be subjective, and determined by the software you got the table from; it should actually be defined in that software's help files.

  3. Senior Member
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    #3

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    This table was copy-pasted from this very website.

    I copied it with the parenthesis unknowingly, those are not my questions, sorry for the confusion.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Say:

    I'm taking a CAE exam, and writing an essay is part of it.

    Not a professional teacher

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    #5

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glizdka View Post
    Hello,
    I'm taking a CAE exam
    , and writing an essay is part of it. I want to practise my writing skills. If one of you, awesome people of this forum, could spare a moment to check my essay, maybe even evaluate it, I would be grateful.


    Science has enabled humans to dominate the world; its importance is not questionable. But "how are we planning to get more students interested in this discipline?" still remains an open question. In this essay, I am going to answer it by discussing two methods of making getting young people more interested in this subject.

    One way of making the young more enthusiastic about science is to aquire have a passionate person teacher who could infect them with their attitude (develop/arouse/pigue their interest in the subject). A guest giving occasional lectures about what inspired them to becoming a scientist could be a successful strategy, provided such a person can be found. The latter part of the previous statement is the problem of this strategy; scientists are often too busy and cannot find enough time to roam around universities for auxiliary lectures (to give extra lectures?).

    The second approach is simply making the syllabus more enjoyable. Young people are energetic and want to be involved. Allowing students to personalize what they are to work on is a great way of making them engaged (this is not clear and should be explained), especially when we consider the fact that every person is different. This, however, would be extremely difficult to evaluate, and the consistency of the program the university uses would be endangered.

    In my opinion, the method I suggested in the second paragraph of this essay is more risky. Simply choosing a wrong person to give lectures could ruin the view on science young people will develop. Giving students more freedom of choice in what they learn is more preferable and I am certain it would prove to be effective.
    See my comments. Some parts need explanation.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Try:

    How can we get more students interested in science?

    The part about roaming around universities to give lectures doesn't make sense in English.

    (I don't think much about dominating the world.)
    Not a professional teacher

  7. Senior Member
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    #7

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Try:

    How can we get more students interested in science?

    The part about roaming around universities to give lectures doesn't make sense in English.

    (I don't think much about dominating the world.)
    How would you phrase "they can't spend their precious time on going from one university to another only to give a lecture about what they like in science just to be a form of entertainment for youngsters that probably will look at their phones anyways. It may seem too trivial to them, and probably not very appealing"?

    I thought "roam around universities" could be interpreted that way.

    The biggest problem for me is reducing the amount of words, I originally ended up with 300+ words, and then started trimming it down.
    Last edited by Glizdka; 01-May-2019 at 07:51.

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    #8

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Get the people who are passionate about science to give pep talks to students to arouse their interest.

    Make the learning process more interesting.
    Last edited by tedmc; 01-May-2019 at 06:26.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  9. Senior Member
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    #9

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Science has enabled humans to dominate the world; its importance is not questionable.But "how are we planning to get more students interested in this discipline?" still remains an open question.
    I was taught not to begin a sentence with a conjunction. Are you sure I should've put a full stop before "but"?

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    #10

    Re: How can we get more students into science?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glizdka View Post
    I was taught not to begin a sentence with a conjunction. Are you sure I should've put a full stop before "but"?
    I suggested splitting the original sentence into two as it is too long and trying to say too many things. It is not true that a sentence cannot begin with a conjunction (a rule from the old school). https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/ed...-a-conjunction

    Actually, the "but" is optional; it could be omitted.

    I agree with Tarheel's suggestion: How can we get more students interested in science?
    It is clear and concise. So, reducing the number (not amount) of words is not difficult.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

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