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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    As Linda was strolling

    Have I made any mistakes?

    As Linda was strolling through town, her eyes caught the sight of a poster for the piano recital by Olga, her schoolmate from twenty years ago. "I can't believe," she screamed. "Olga, the shyest of all and the ugliest has became a star." In her mind's eye, she saw little Olga, plump and red-cheeked, sitting stiffly at a school desk and writing away in her exercise book.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: As Linda was strolling

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Have I made any mistakes?

    As Linda was strolling through town, her eyes caught the sight of a poster for the piano recital by Olga, her schoolmate from twenty years ago. "I can't believe it!" she screamed. "Olga, the shyest of all and the ugliest has became a star." In her mind's eye, she saw little Olga, plump and red-cheeked, sitting stiffly at a school desk and writing away in her exercise book.
    I would probably say sitting at her school desk.
    Not a professional teacher

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: As Linda was strolling

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Have I made any mistakes?

    As Linda was strolling through town, her eyes she caught the sight of a poster for the a piano recital by Olga, her schoolmate from twenty years ago. "I can't believe it," she screamed. "Olga, the shyest of all and the ugliest girl of all has became become a star." In her mind's eye, she saw little Olga, plump and red-cheeked, sitting stiffly at a school desk and writing scribbling away in her exercise book.
    See above.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: As Linda was strolling

    Hm. I would normally have made the correction Ems made (she instead of her eyes). (I can see it now. I am sitting in a little room where they let me have a mobile device that doesn't do anything.)

    On the other hand, there's a place that screams for an exclamation mark.

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  5. VIP Member
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    #5

    Re: As Linda was strolling

    I believe an exclamation mark would be correct at the end of "I can't believe it!"

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: As Linda was strolling

    Yes. The phrase "she screamed" virtually begs for an exclamation mark.
    Not a professional teacher

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