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  1. jutfrank's Avatar
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    #21

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Perhaps forget all your roles might be slightly more understandable.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #22

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Quote Originally Posted by Trace Vaon View Post
    To cover a cruise: I mean have money for an a holiday.

    Leave all your roles: I mean (no comma here) don't be and an architect, a chief, a servant, but only yourself.
    See my corrections above. Again, you have random capital letters at the start of inappropriate words. Please remember that we use capital letters only:
    - At the start of a sentence.
    - At the start of proper nouns (Microsoft, Shakespeare, London Bridge, for example).

    We don't use "cover" on its own to mean to have money for something. We use "cover the cost of" but "cover the cost of a cruise" has too many syllables for that line of your song. You could use "pay for" because it has the same number of syllables as "cover".
    I prefer Piscean's suggestion of "forget all your roles" to "leave".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #23

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Don't hate me, I start with another song
    You are doing something very very special for me.

    You belong to me, like a flower to its plant
    you belog to me like water to its sea

    one day I'll come and I'll get you wherever you are… wherever you are…
    one day we will sleep together in the shade of an old oak tree .... wherever you are…

    I will stroke your hair while you tell me about
    your last swim at the river and the dives from the big blunt stone

    you're cold, I see it, do not worry, I'm here with you again
    we laugh together - staring into each other's eyes - everyone heard us from afar


  4. jutfrank's Avatar
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    #24

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    everyone hears us from afar

    I've changed the tense here to suit the present tense of the whole verse. It seems odd to use the past tense heard. Did you mean to do that?

    The rest is all understandable and grammatical enough.

    Just a quick question—are you writing in English or translating the original Italian?

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    #25

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    everyone hears us from afar

    I've changed the tense here to suit the present tense of the whole verse. It seems odd to use the past tense heard. Did you mean to do that?

    The rest is all understandable and grammatical enough.

    Just a quick question—are you writing in English or translating the original Italian?
    Great!
    I try to write in english, but it is not easy. Sometimes I need to translate from italian to english, using sites like "context.reverso".

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    #26

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    A new song! this song is about war.


    Why, that day in April, while the rebellion
    still seemed strong and wide, you fixed your gaze on me
    i was your shady business
    Who first whispered you my name?

    you are really my kidnapper - Disdain is more than hate
    he who is inspired by evil brings death with himself
    Nobody's land, opaque, violent damn land

    I walked through the mountain, to cross the border on mountain paths
    touching orchards of blossoming apple trees
    did you think that I could have been useful
    for your ruthless plots, your falsely revolutionary businesses?

  7. jutfrank's Avatar
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    #27

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    you are really sounds unnatural. Can you change it to you really are?

    with himself sounds odd in brings death with himself. I don't understand what you mean. Maybe brings death with him?

    through the mountain or through the mountains?

    businesses sound odd. Maybe business?

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    #28

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    you are really sounds unnatural. Can you change it to you really are?

    with himself sounds odd in brings death with himself. I don't understand what you mean. Maybe brings death with him?

    through the mountain or through the mountains?

    businesses sound odd. Maybe business?

    you are really:Yes, I could change to you really are, it sonds good


    brings death with himself : I mean that a bad man, a killer or a kidnapper is always surronded by death, deaths of innocents people. Do you think it is better to change it?


    through the mountain: montain is the right thought

  9. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #29

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Quote Originally Posted by Trace Vaon View Post
    Great!
    I try to write in English, but it is not easy. Sometimes I need to translate from Italian to English, using sites like "context.reverso".
    Quote Originally Posted by Trace Vaon View Post
    you are really:Yes, I could change it to you really are; it sounds good.

    brings death with himself : I mean that a bad man (a killer or a kidnapper) is always surrounded by the death deaths of innocents innocent people. Do you think it is better to change it?

    through the mountain: mo
    untain is the right thought word.
    See my corrections above. You must remember to capitalise proper nouns, such as Italian and English. You seem to have a problem typing "ou" together (sounds, surrounded, mountain).
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #30

    Re: I need help for Songs Lyrics fixing mistakes :) I am a song writer

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    See my corrections above. You must remember to capitalise proper nouns, such as Italian and English. You seem to have a problem typing "ou" together (sounds, surrounded, mountain).
    What do yout think about brings death with himself ?

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