[General] [Letter] A letter to request a suitable accommodation for our next summer trip

[dcintel]

Hi all, Please help me correct the following piece of writing for vocabulary and grammar.
=======================================================


Dear Sir or Madam,


I am writing in regards to find a suitable accommodation for my family of three people for this summer trip.


Summer is a wonderful time for holiday and my family would like to take this opportunity to explore New Zealand, which we have been living here for more than five years.
We are currently living in a single house in Palmerston North near Wellington capital. This year, my wife and I would like to takes several days off work after having been industriously working for more than three years since we have been here.


My wife, little three-year old kid and I want to spend approximately 2 weeks to discover and explore some lovely picturesque villages of the Mauri people, and breathtaking views from submits to spectacular oceans. However, we are in tight budget now, because we are saving up to build a new house early next year. Therefore, we are looking for a mobile home that you are offering in your website. A 240-RV compact model would be perfect for us. We believe with that sprinter, we are able to take all our home comforts with us and travel to every nook and corner of New Zealand extremely conveniently.


Your showroom in Robert Street is not very far from us, so please let me know whether we can arrive and take a look on the sprinter on Monday or Tuesday morning this week. We extremely love the 240-RV than other vehicles on the website. It would be a pity if the mobile home were not available for us on the trip.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon.


Kind regards,
Cuong Tran

 

[teechar]

Is this real or just English practice? Who are you writing this to? If it's practice, what was the exact question?

 

[dcintel]

Is this real or just English practice? Who are you writing this to? If it's practice, what was the exact question?

This is just for English practice.
The exact question is as below:


You and your family are moving to another town, and you are looking for rented accommodation there.
Write a letter to a property agent. In your letter
- Introduce yourself and your family
- Describe the type of accommodation that you hope to find
- Give your preference for the location of the accommodation

 

[teechar]

Your letter is off topic. The question is not asking you to write about holiday accommodation. Imagine you're living in Town A and you need to move to Town B. You are being asked to write a letter to a real estate agent to look for suitable accommodation for you to rent in Town B. Follow the instructions given and make the middle part (describe the accommodation you need) the longest.

 

[dcintel]

Thanks teechar for suggestion. I have just rewritten a new letter. Please help me correct the following piece of writing for grammar and vocabulary

======
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in regards to finding a suitable accommodation for my family in Wanganui early next year.

We are, a family of three people, living in a beautiful sunny Auckland city. Next January marks our 10th wedding anniversary and we want to celebrate it outside Auckland. We have been living here for more than ten years and would like to escape from heavy traffic congestion and high-rise building offices with multi-story car parks. Therefore, Wanganui in the southern of Auckland is perfect for us where our kid can dive in the cool water to learn about ocean habitat and we can hunt lobsters as well.

After searching on the Internet, we wanted to stay in a home-stay rather than a luxury hotel because we are in tight budget now. A home-stay with a good size of living room where we can entertain at night, two lovely bedrooms and a dining room where we can self-cater is perfect for our 10 days holiday. Furthermore, my kid is a big fan of soccer, so a spacious backyard where we can play soccer together in the afternoon is really a best option. We are happy to pay up to $300 per week for that accommodation.

We will arrive in Palmerston North on 4 January, and we would like to move straight in. We hope that we can enjoy the busy nightlife but not too crowded there. Then, we are going to move to Tararua on 7 January to enjoy the beautiful, stunning landscapes on the Waihi Falls, which is very popular for locals and foreign tourists.

We really appreciate if you could arrange us two home-stays like that.

Kind regards,
Cuong Tran

 

[tedmc]

dcintel
The assignment requires you to write to a property agent asking for long-term rented accommodation in another town which your family is moving to. But your letter is talking about renting holiday accommodation in a few places which you are bringing your family for holiday. Teechar has pointed this out to you in Post No. 4 but you have not heeded his advice. Are you sure you wrote the letter with the assignment in mind?

 

[dcintel]

Thanks all for your great efforts. Please help me correct the following piece of writing for grammar and vocabulary

========

Dear Sir or Madam,


I am writing in regards to finding a suitable accommodation for my family in Wanganui early next year.


I am a software-testing consultant, have been working for ABC Solutions approximately 8 years. We are, a family of three people, living in a beautiful sunny Auckland city. Last month, my direct manager told me that whether I could relocate to Wanganui office because we are setting up a new testing team there. The task requires me have to settle down at least one year in Palmerston North which located in the center of Wanganui.


After doing some research, we would like to contact you in help of finding a long-term rented house. We love a detached house with a good size of living room where we can entertain at night, two lovely bedrooms and a dining room where we can self-cater. Furthermore, my kid is a big fan of soccer, so a spacious backyard where we can play soccer together in the afternoon is really a good option. We are happy paying up to $200 per week for that accommodation.


We will arrive in Palmerston North on 4 January, and we would like to move straight in. My wife is not keen on noisy and crowded places. Therefore, we hope that you could help us find a quiet place. In addition, I love cycling to work, so it would be greatly convenient if it were located in West District, so I am close to work.


We are looking forward to hearing from you soon.


Kind regards,
Cuong Tran

 

[emsr2d2]

You could get rid of the entire first long paragraph (starting "I am a software-testing consultant") and "After some research". The person you're writing to isn't remotely interested in your employment history or what you think of where you've been living up to now.

 

[dcintel]

You could get rid of the entire first long paragraph (starting "I am a software-testing consultant") and "After some research". The person you're writing to isn't remotely interested in your employment history or what you think of where you've been living up to now.

Thanks emsr2d2 for suggestion. I understand that in the real situation the real estate might not be interested in the information. However, I am practicing writing based on the assignment which mentioned above.

 

[emsr2d2]

Yes, I understand that but you need to stick to the assignment prompt. There's little point practising your writing based on an assignment if you're not going to do that.

 

[teechar]

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing in regards to finding suitable accommodation for me and my family in Wanganui early next year.

I am a software-testing consultant, and I have been working for ABC Solutions for approximately 8 years. We are a family of three people, living in beautiful, sunny Auckland. [STRIKE]city.[/STRIKE] Last month, my direct manager told me that [STRIKE]whether[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] must relocate to Wanganui office because we are setting up a new testing team there. The task requires me [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] to [STRIKE]settle down[/STRIKE] live for at least one year in Palmerston North, which is located in the center of Wanganui.

After doing some research, we [STRIKE]would like[/STRIKE] decided to contact you [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] and ask you to help us [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] find [STRIKE]ing a long-term rented[/STRIKE] a suitable house to rent. We [STRIKE]love[/STRIKE] would like a detached house with a good-sized [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] living room where we can entertain guests at night, two [STRIKE]lovely[/STRIKE] spacious bedrooms and a dining room. [STRIKE]where we can self-cater.[/STRIKE] Furthermore, my kid is a big fan of soccer, so a spacious backyard where we can play soccer together in the afternoon is really a good option. We are happy [STRIKE]paying[/STRIKE] to pay up to $200 per week. [STRIKE]for that accommodation.[/STRIKE]

We will arrive in Palmerston North on 4 January, and we would like to move straight in. My wife is not keen on noisy and crowded places. Therefore, we hope that you could help us find a quiet place. In addition, I love cycling to work, so it would be greatly convenient if it were located in West District, [STRIKE]so[/STRIKE] where I would be [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] close to work.

We are looking forward to hearing from you soon.

[STRIKE]Kind regards,[/STRIKE]

Yours faithfully,

Cuong Tran

.

 

[tedmc]

in Palmerston North, which is located in the center of Wanganui.

Actually, Palmerston North and Wanganui are two separate cities in different regions of North Island, NZ. I have been to both cities.