Please help me correct my motivation letter

[suzyluu]

Hi all,

Currently I am planning to study master in tourism in Germany. Please help me to correct my motivation letter, its deadline is 30 May 2019.
Many thanks in advance :) :) :)

24 May 2019

Application for Master in Tourism Development Strategies at XXX

Dear Admission Committee,

I am writing to express my interest in Tourism Development Strategies program (TDS) implemented by (school name), starting in winter semester 2019. Since I have a strong background in both studying and working experience in Tourism and Hospitality industry, I believe that TDS - a unique and practice-oriented master program perfectly suits me through upgrade knowledge base and skills for my career prospects.

Graduated from Business Administration with a focus on Tourism and Hospitality management, I gained a good bachelor degree with thesis grade 95%. My bachelor program was taught by 30% of Vietnamese for compulsory subjects in Vietnam and 70% of English for specialized subjects (economics, accounting and finance, subjects related to tourism). Besides, we had a compulsory 21-day trip throughout Vietnam to get knowledge about not only destinations but also career prospects in this field and a compulsory short trip to the beach in order that we can increase our teamwork spirit which is a very important skill in service industry.

Thanks to an internship as tour guide in summer 2015 to complete my degree and my job as receptionist in a hotel chain, I had an excellent insight into tourism field. Moreover, I was also inspired to make my start-up business in this field. As a result, my friend and I started operating a hostel in my hometown in Can Tho - the heart of Mekong Delta which gave me a great chance to apply mostly all knowledge in university from a hotel planning and decoration to a manager of a hospitality property, human resources, revenue, capital, marketing, customer services. Besides, my reservation executive position in a cruise company not only enhanced my skills in a professional environment but also brought me challenges of working in an international environment. That made me have a desire to take a higher education in this field for a comprehensive development that I can turn all these challenges to opportunities in globalization.

On the search for developing my career path internationally, I figure out that TDS at (school name) fits me in any aspects. The program is taught in English with a language centre that helps students to develop German language skills. Besides, there is an international field trip and various company visits trip which I believe are really helpful to enhance my experience internationally and to make a solid base for my future career.
With all mentioned above experience and adaptability during working and self-travel, I believe that I will have a great experience of studying abroad and have a comprehensive for my future career once I become a student of (school name).

I am very grateful for considering my application, and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

(My full name)

[teechar]

Hi all,
Currently, I am planning to study apply for a master's in tourism in Germany. Please help me to correct my motivation letter.its the application deadline is 30 May 2019.
Many thanks in advance.

24 May 2019

Application for Master in Tourism Development Strategies at XXX

Dear Admissions Committee,

I am writing to express my interest in the Master of Tourism Development Strategies program (TDS) implemented offered by (school name), starting in the winter semester of 2019. Since I have a strong background in both studying academic record and practical work ing experience in the tourism and hospitality industry, I believe that TDS - a unique and practice-oriented master's program perfectly suits me and will help through upgrade enhance my knowledge base and skills for as well as my career prospects.

In [YEAR], I graduated from with a bachelor's degree in Business Administration with a focus on tourism and hospitality management, I gained a good bachelor degree with and my thesis grade was 95%. Most of the subjects (70%) in my bachelor's program was were taught by 30% of Vietnamese for compulsory subjects in Vietnam and 70% of in English.for Those specialized subjects included economics, accounting and finance , subjects which are directly related to tourism. Besides, we had a compulsory 21-day trip throughout Vietnam to get knowledge learn about not only destinations but also career prospects in this field, and a compulsory short trip to the beach in order that we can increase our to learn all about teamwork, spirit which is a very important skill in the service industry.

Thanks to an internship as a tour guide in summer 2015 to complete my degree and my job as a receptionist in a hotel chain, I had have gained an excellent insight into the tourism industry. field. Moreover, I was also inspired to make establish my start-up business in this field. As a result, my friend and I started operating a hostel in my hometown in Can Tho - the heart of the Mekong Delta which gave me a great chance to apply mostly all the knowledge I learned in university from hotel planning and decoration to a manager of a hospitality management, property, human resources, revenue, capital, finance, marketing, and customer service. Besides, my role as a reservation executive position in a cruise company not only enhanced my skills in a professional environment but also brought provided me the opportunity to deal with the challenges of working in an international environment. That made me have a desire to take a has motivated me to pursue higher education in this field for a comprehensive development so that I can turn all these challenges to opportunities in our globalized world. ation.

On the After searching for developing my career path a suitable international program, ly, I figure out I found that TDS at (school name) fits my needs. me in any aspects. The program is taught in English, with a language centre that helps students to develop German language skills. Besides, there is an international field trip and various company visits trip which I believe are would be really helpful to enhance my experience internationally and to make help me build a solid base for my future career.

With all mentioned above experience and adaptability during working and self-travel, I believe that I will have a great experience of studying abroad and have a comprehensive for my future career once I become a student of (school name).

I am very grateful to you for considering my application, and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

(My full name)

Good luck.