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Thread: Colonel Fox

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    #1

    Colonel Fox

    Would you please correct the mistakes in this short text, which I wrote as an exercise?

    When after a night out, on his way home, colonel Fox called on the barracks, he was drawn to the guardhouse by the loud music and a lot of noise. He opened the door, and the scene that met his eyes was unreal. A dozen soldiers, all only in their underpants, sat drinking beer at the table on top of which danced a naked woman to the music booming from the loudspeakers.

    Colonel Fox shook his head, as if trying to wake up from a dream, but the voices, the smell of alcohol, and the woman's body were impossible to shake off. If he had been sober, he would have yelled at the soldiers and threatened them with severe punishment, but the drinks he had knocked back since the evening, had blunted his senses and made him dazed. He stood for a moment not knowing what to do until someone proffered him a bottle of beer, which he grabbed without saying a word and pulled at. The room was spinning around him; the stripper's attractive body made him slobber like a dog; drunken voices echoed in his head like timpani. He started dancing and took off his clothes, tearing at the buttons of his uniform. His shirt was sweaty and he was glad to get rid off it. He heard a chorus of hoarse voices cheering and applauded him, while he was spinning ever faster, like a dervish, to another existence, beyond these grey walls and his mundane military life.

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    #2

    Re: Colonel Fox

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Would you please correct the mistakes in this short text, which I wrote as an exercise?

    When after a night out, On his way home from/after a night out, Colonel Fox called on in at the barracks, he and was drawn to the guardhouse by the loud music and a lot of noise. He opened the door, and the scene that met his eyes was unreal unbelievable. A dozen soldiers, all only in their underpants, sat drinking beer at the a table on top of which danced was a naked woman dancing to the music booming from the loudspeakers.

    Colonel Fox shook his head, as if trying to wake up from a dream, but the voices, the smell of alcohol, and the sight of the woman's body were impossible to shake off. If he had been sober, he would have yelled at the soldiers and threatened them with severe punishment, but the drinks he had knocked back since during the evening (no comma here) had blunted his senses and made him dazed. He stood for a moment, not knowing what to do, until someone proffered him a bottle of beer, which he grabbed and drank without saying a word. and pulled at. The room was spinning around him, the stripper's attractive body made him slobber like a dog, and drunken voices echoed in his head like timpani. He started dancing and took off his clothes, tearing at the buttons of his uniform. His shirt was sweaty and he was glad to get rid off of it. He heard a chorus of hoarse voices cheering and people applauding him, while he was spinning ever faster, like a dervish, to another existence, beyond those grey walls and his mundane military life.
    See above.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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