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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    Please help me to fix any mistakes in the lyrics of this song too

    I'm your father but
    I donít have time for you now
    I have to go out
    with friends and watch the game on tv
    you ask me to bring you to the playground -- you like the swing
    but I'm tired, maybe next time.

    I'm your husband
    if you get sick I have no time to waste
    I have to think about
    who seems to feel better than you!
    I have to find
    who makes me feel better....

    RIT
    Why do you blame me when I
    just try to be a good man?
    Why do you blame me when I...
    I'm not a bad guy

    I am alone now
    my son, my wife, i have lost everything
    I feel so good now, I can do everything I want
    i just have to find somebody
    to hang out
    what's left of the summer

  2. Raymott's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    Quote Originally Posted by Trace Vaon View Post

    [...]
    I'm your husband
    if you get sick I have no time to waste
    I have to think about
    who seems to feel better than you!
    I have to find
    who makes me feel better....

    [...]
    I am alone now
    my son, my wife, i have lost everything
    I feel so good now, I can do everything I want
    i just have to find somebody
    to hang out with
    for what's left of the summer
    We don't use 'who' that way in English. There are some quaint proverbs like "Who hesitates is lost". But you can't use it that way in current English. You really need "someone who", or maybe "whoever".
    "Hang out with" is the phrase. You can't "hang out somebody what's left of summer" even in a song. You don't need to stress these prepositions though.

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    We don't use 'who' that way in English. There are some quaint proverbs like "Who hesitates is lost". But you can't use it that way in current English. You really need "someone who", or maybe "whoever".
    "Hang out with" is the phrase. You can't "hang out somebody what's left of summer" even in a song. You don't need to stress these prepositions though.
    I could change the lyrics in this way, do you agree?


    I'm your father but
    I donít have time for you now
    I have to go out
    with friends and watch the game on tv
    you ask me to bring you to the playground -- you like the swing
    but I'm tired, maybe next time.

    I'm your husband
    if you get sick I have no time to waste
    I have to think about
    someone who feel better than you!
    I have to find
    someone who makes me feel better....

    RIT
    Why do you blame me when I
    just try to be a good man?
    Why do you blame me when I...
    I'm not a bad guy

    I am alone now
    my son, my wife, i have lost everything
    I feel so good now, I can do everything I want
    i just have to find somebody
    to hang out with
    for
    what's left of the summer

  4. Raymott's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    Certainly. Your song is quite good.

    I just realised that if you're using 'who' in the sense of "I have to think about [who feels better than you?], then it's OK, but it would have to be sung as a question.
    Also "
    someone who feels better than you!"

  5. Member
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    #5

    Re: A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    i just have to find somebody to hang out

    I know 'i' is simply a careless typo, but not sure in case this will be copied and pasted and printed out verbatim.

    (Neither a native speaker nor a teacher of English)
    Last edited by tree123; 20-Jun-2019 at 13:38.
    Please correct my writing if there's any grammatical solecism.

  6. Newbie
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    #6

    Re: A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    Certainly. Your song is quite good.

    I just realised that if you're using 'who' in the sense of "I have to think about [who feels better than you?], then it's OK, but it would have to be sung as a question.
    Also "
    someone who feels better than you!"
    In my idea it is not a question, but something like " I have to think about you --> I have to think about him --> I have to think about someone --> I have to think about someone who feels better than you
    Is it correct?

  7. Raymott's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: A song about a bad man (please, help me to fix any mistakes . this song too)

    Yes, so the original advice is correct. You need "someone who".

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