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  1. Member
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      • Vietnamese
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      • Vietnam
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    #1

    After finishing my job

    After finishing my job

    Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office. I turn off all of the light in it. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, pick the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and drive my motorbike to the gate of my office. I raise my hand and say goodbye to the protector. The protector also replies me as a friendly smile.

    Please correct my error.

  2. Member
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    #2

    Re: After finishing my job

    By the way, Could you tell me the meaning of "seaside" and " the shore of the sea" are the same meaning?

  3. Senior Member
    English Teacher
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    #3

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by chunchuntthn View Post
    After finishing my job

    Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office. I turn off all of the lights. in it Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, pick the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and drive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I raise my hand and saywave goodbye to the protector security guard . The protector also replies me as He responds with a friendly smile.

    Please correct my any errors.
    Choice of words more than "errors".

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by chunchuntthn View Post
    What I do after Work finishing my job

    Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all of the lights. in it.

    pick take the key out of my bag

    and say goodbye to the security guard, who protector. The protector also replies gives me as a friendly smile.

    Please correct my errors.
    Note the above corrections. Please also note that it is not natural to describe in minute details every action involved! Try to "zoom out" and talk about other things you do after work.

  5. Member
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    #5

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by Yankee View Post
    Choice of words more than "errors".
    Yankee, Could I use "reply" or "answer" instead of "respond"?

  6. Member
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    #6

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by Yankee View Post
    Choice of words more than "errors".
    This is my rewrite.
    Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, pick the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and rive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard. He responds with a friendly smile.
    Please correct any errors

  7. Member
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      • Vietnamese
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    • Posts: 116
    #7

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Note the above corrections. Please also note that it is not natural to describe in minute details every action involved! Try to "zoom out" and talk about other things you do after work.
    This is my rewrite

    What I do after work.
    Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, take the key out of my bag (Please tell me “Take the key out” is more nature than “pick the key out”?) and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and rive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me as a friendly smile.

    Please correct my errors

  8. teechar's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by chunchuntthn View Post
    This is my rewrite
    You're still including superfluous details.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by chunchuntthn View Post
    Yankee, Could I use "reply" or "answer" instead of "respond"?
    In the context you're talking about, yes.
    Not a professional teacher

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: After finishing my job

    Quote Originally Posted by chunchuntthn View Post
    This is my rewrite

    What I do after work.
    Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, take the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I turn the key to the right and drive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me as a friendly smile.
    You put the key in the ignition. You don't have to mention which way you turn it. (You could say you put the key in the ignition and start the engine.) Also, I would say I drive out of the garage.
    What do you do next?
    Not a professional teacher

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