[Cover Letter] Please help spot mistakes in my motivational letter.

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reza23

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WHY ME


My name is (NAME). I am 19 years old I have attended and graduated high school in XXX, and now I would like to apply to yourundergraduate International Business program in XXXX.
Since starting high school I have been working every summer in a small restaurant which my mother owns, so I have seen the importance of good management and marketing to a business. Dueto interacting directly with customers and managing staff, I have developed good communication and organizational skills.
I have been researching options for further education but couldn’t really find any that fit me. What stood out about (university)was that it doesn’t focus only on theoretical education but also practical skills that are crucial in the business field
I am a sociable person who enjoys working in a team setting, I love traveling and experiencing new environments and culturesand like meeting new people from diverse cultures and backgrounds. I have a goal-oriented mindset and like taking on challenging and interesting projects. Furthermore, I have always been drawn to understanding the way the world works and how different cultures cooperate to function as a whole. Therefore working in the international spheres within a business has for a long time been a great interest of mine.
(university) is, for me an enormous challenge but also a great opportunity. I look forward to the opportunity to study abroad as part of my degree at university; I am particularly eager to expand my knowledge in the areas of Marketing, Finance, and Business as I find these areas fascinating. I believe management is a core component of any successful business. An important reason as to why I chose (university) is the number of opportunities I will be given to apply myself in an international setting and connect with people all around the world. I believe (university) will give me essential skills that will be useful for anything I might want to do in the future.

I recognize the importance of knowing a foreign language represents in an international setting and I believe that studying at (university)will significantly improve my English skills. As one of the most important languages in the world, English will help me to form new connections and expand my social network to a global level.

I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thank you very much for your consideration.
 
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teechar

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My name is (NAME) and I am 19 years old. I [STRIKE] have attended and graduated [/STRIKE] recently finished high school in XXX, and now I would like to apply [STRIKE] to [/STRIKE] for your undergraduate International Business program in XXXX.

Since starting high school, I have been working every summer in a small restaurant which my mother owns, so I have seen the importance of good management and marketing to a business. [STRIKE] Due to [/STRIKE] By interacting directly with customers and managing staff, I have developed good communication and organizational skills.

I have been researching the options for further education but [STRIKE] couldn’t [/STRIKE] could not really find any that fit me. What stood out about (university) was that it [STRIKE] doesn’t [/STRIKE] focuses not only on theoretical aspects [STRIKE] education [/STRIKE] but also on practical skills that are crucial in the business field.

I am a sociable person who enjoys working [STRIKE] in [/STRIKE] as part of a team. [STRIKE] setting, [/STRIKE] I love traveling and experiencing new environments and cultures and like meeting new people from diverse cultures and backgrounds. I have a goal-oriented mindset and like taking on challenging and interesting projects. Furthermore, I have always been drawn to [STRIKE] understanding [/STRIKE] analyzing [STRIKE] the way the world works [/STRIKE] business mechanisms and processes and how different [STRIKE] cultures [/STRIKE] mindsets cooperate to function as a whole. Therefore, working in [STRIKE] the [/STRIKE] international [STRIKE] spheres within a [/STRIKE] business environments has for a long time been a great interest of mine.

Studying at (university) [STRIKE] is [/STRIKE], for me [STRIKE] an enormous challenge but also a [/STRIKE] would be a great opportunity. [STRIKE] I look forward to the opportunity to study abroad as part of my degree at university; [/STRIKE] I am particularly eager to expand my knowledge in the areas of Marketing, Finance, and Business as I find these areas fascinating. I believe management is a core component of any successful business. [STRIKE] An important reason as to why I chose (university) is the number of opportunities I will be given to apply myself in an international setting and [/STRIKE] I also highly value the fact that your program would allow me to connect with people from all around the world. I believe (university) will [STRIKE] give [/STRIKE] equip me with the essential skills that will be useful for [STRIKE] anything I might [/STRIKE] what I want to do in the future.

I recognize the importance of knowing a foreign language [STRIKE] represents [/STRIKE] in an international setting, and I believe that studying at (university) will significantly improve my English skills. As one of the most important languages in the world, English will help me to form new connections and expand my social network to a global level.

[STRIKE] I look forward to hearing from you soon. [/STRIKE] Thank you very much for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
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