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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    While leafing through his old diary

    Have I made any mistakes?

    While leafing through his old diary, Kevin saw Marina's name, and his heart raced. In his mind's eye, he saw her walking gracefully down the street, her long dark hair fluttering in the wind. As soon as he had laid his eyes on her, he knew Marina was going to be his wife.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: While leafing through his old diary

    I would use "started racing" instead of "raced". Do you know why?

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    #3

    Re: While leafing through his old diary

    I believe because his heart started racing at the moment he saw Marina's name.

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: While leafing through his old diary

    Sorry, I meant do you know why I didn't like "raced"?

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    #5

    Re: While leafing through his old diary

    I believe it is because of parallelism. "Leafing" and "racing" reads better.

  6. teechar's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: While leafing through his old diary

    No. It's because "raced" means started racing and stopped racing. You could use "fluttered", which conveys that meaning, but I think the stronger "started racing" is better.

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