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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    When Mark was in school

    Have I made any mistakes?

    When Mark was in school, he was attracted to a girl who mostly ignored him or made fun of him. She hurt his feelings, but Mark showed nothing. Then by a quirk of fate, they met again fifteen years later at a seminar on the Roman Empire, and she asked Mark for forgiveness.

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    #2

    Re: When Mark was in school

    Your grammar and syntax are entirely correct, but the phrasing is a little awkward here and there.

    When Mark was in school, he was attracted to a girl who mostly ignored or mocked him. She hurt his feelings, but Mark did not let it show. Then by a quirk of fate, they met again fifteen years later at a seminar on the Roman Empire, and she asked Mark to forgive her.
    Retired proofreader. ESL tutor. Not a teacher. Nor a typist, evidently.

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    #3

    Re: When Mark was in school

    Would this version be OK?

    When Mark was in school, he was attracted to a girl who either ignored or mocked him. She hurt his feelings, but Mark showed no emotion. Then by a quirk of fate, they met again fifteen years later at a seminar on the Roman Empire, and she asked Mark for forgiveness.

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    #4

    Re: When Mark was in school

    Yes.
    Retired proofreader. ESL tutor. Not a teacher. Nor a typist, evidently.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: When Mark was in school

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post

    When Mark was in school, he was attracted to a girl who either ignored or mocked him. .
    It can't be both. You have to choose. If she was ignoring him she couldn't have been mocking him. If she was mocking him she couldn't have been ignoring him. Perhaps:

    When Mark was in school he was attracted to a girl who ignored him when she wasn't mocking him

    Pretty much eliminated the attraction, didn't it?
    Not a professional teacher

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    #6

    Re: When Mark was in school

    Tarheel,

    The problem is that I couldn't remember the phrase you have used "who ignored him when she wasn't mocking him", when I needed it.

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    #7

    Re: When Mark was in school

    It's possible to mock and ignore at the same time.

    M: Hi Jane!
    J: (turns away, talks to Kate): What a dork...

    It's possible to mock and ignore on alternate days.

    Day 1:
    M: Hi Jane! J: Walks past, stony faced.

    Day 2:
    M: Hi Jane! J: Still talking to me, dork?

    And as for attraction, let's not go there. The world is built on men and women irresistibly attracted to people who mock and ignore them.

    In short, I see no problem whatever with "either mock or ignore".
    Retired proofreader. ESL tutor. Not a teacher. Nor a typist, evidently.

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