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Thread: Phrase review

  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Post Phrase review

    Hello friends

    I'm new in this forum and I wanted to get help please reviewing a phrase in which I've been working:

    God leads my path, my family upholds
    my decisions and my loving mother...
    I am grateful for all that I am, for I owe
    it to my mother's sacrifice.

    I would like to know your opinions in regards of its composition, as a non native speaker of english I still have my doubts about the overall composition of the phrase and its grammar and punctuation. I'm doing it for a friend who wants to surprise his mother. If you find something to improve or anything, I would really appreciate the feedback.
    See you soon friends and thanks beforehand.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Phrase review

    Say:

    I'm new to this forum, and I need help with something I've been working on.

    It starts out okay, but it quickly loses its way.

    You may thank me now.

    Got to go!
    Not a professional teacher

  3. teechar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Phrase review

    Hello arnold23, and welcome to the forum.
    Are you trying to write poetry?

  4. Newbie
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    #4

    Re: Phrase review

    Thanks for your comment man

  5. Newbie
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    #5

    Re: Phrase review

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Hello arnold23, and welcome to the forum.
    Are you trying to write poetry?
    I never thought of it as a poem, although it might be something very close to that. I got some scattered ideas from a friend who wants a new tattoo to dedicate it to his mother. The three main ideas are showing God's guidance, family support and his gratitude to his mother. Of course it was supposed to be something special, hence the avoidance of common words.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Phrase review

    Perhaps:

    For everything I am I owe to my loving mother.

    (I've written hundreds of poems, so I might know something about that.)
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  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Phrase review

    I wouldn't put much stock in the phrase "scattered ideas" if I were you.
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  8. teechar's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Phrase review

    Quote Originally Posted by arnold23 View Post
    Hello friends,


    I'm new in this forum, and I wanted to get need some help please with reviewing a phrase in text which I've been working on:


    God leads my path, my family upholds
    is my decisions solid rock,
    and to my loving mother,
    I am grateful, for all that I am, for I owe
    it everything to my mother's her sacrifice.


    I would like to know your opinions in regards of its to that composition. As a non native-speaker of English, I still have my doubts about the overall composition of the phrase text and its grammar and punctuation. I'm doing it for a friend who wants to surprise his mother. If you find something to improve or anything else, I would really appreciate the feedback.
    See you soon friends and thanks. beforehand.
    Quote Originally Posted by arnold23 View Post
    I got some scattered ideas from a friend who wants a new tattoo to dedicate it to his mother.
    Personally, I'm not a pro-tattoo person. Can your friend trial the text on a T-shirt instead?

  9. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Phrase review

    Quote Originally Posted by arnold23 View Post
    Thanks for your comment, man.
    Note my added punctuation above. However, please also note that it is not appropriate to address users here as "man". It's overly familiar and it suggests you assume the responder is male. That's not necessarily the case. There is no need to write a new post to say "Thank you" to anyone. Just click on the "Thank" button in the bottom left-hand corner of all responses. If you can't see it yet, be patient. It might not appear until you have made ten public posts.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: Phrase review

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Perhaps:

    For everything I am I owe to my loving mother.
    I've thought about it a bit, and I have decided you should delete the first word. Thus you would have:

    Everything I am I owe to my loving mother

    Now it will fit on a T shirt. As for a tattoo, you should give it a bit of thought before going that route. After all, it will take up quite a bit of space. (Teechar's version would use up more space. Either that or you'd have to use smaller letters.)
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