Correct my email!

[TawTaw]

Hi!

I am sending this important email and would hugely appreciate if someone could proof read the first and second paragraphs which I am not happy about grammatically.

"Dear Professor X

Hope you're well.

I have just received with sincere disappointment the news of my unsuccessful application to the X MSc at X University.

I had initially applied to the Y MSc (in early February) for which I also did not get accepted. My recent obtention of the Prize for Best BEng Research Project of my course gave me high hopes of entering your prestigious department and encouraged me to re-apply to the X program. This was unfortunately not enough to prove you my ability to do well in this course.

Would it be possible to point out specific aspects of my application that were problematic? I would like to make sure to enter the program if I get the chance to re-apply for the September 2020 entry.

I am aware that providing individual feedback on applications is not common practice, but I do hope you'll understand my disappointment and help me improve on my application for next year.

Thank you very much for your time and please accept my apologies for any inconvenience caused."

Thanks lot!

 

[teechar]

Dear Professor X,

[STRIKE] Hope you're well. [/STRIKE]

I have just received with sincere disappointment the news of my unsuccessful application to the X MSc at X University.

I had initially applied to the Y MSc (in early February 2019) for which I also did not get accepted. My recent [STRIKE] obtention of the [/STRIKE] Prize for Best BEng Research Project [STRIKE] of my course [/STRIKE] gave me high hopes of [STRIKE] entering [/STRIKE] being accepted in your prestigious department and encouraged me to re-apply to for the X program. Apparently, this was unfortunately not enough to prove [STRIKE] you [/STRIKE] my ability to do well in this course.

Would it be possible to point out specific aspects of my application that were problematic? I would like to make sure that I have a reasonable chance for[STRIKE] to enter [/STRIKE] the program if I [STRIKE] get the chance to [/STRIKE] re-apply for the September 2020 entry.

I am aware that providing individual feedback on applications is not common practice, but I do hope you'll understand my situation[STRIKE] disappointment [/STRIKE] and help me improve on my application for next year.

Thank you very much for your time, and please accept my apologies for any inconvenience caused.

Yours sincerely,

Adrian Matthews

....

 

[probus]

I'd advise you to trash that letter entirely.

If you are able to do so, it would be much better to visit the professor during his or her office hours. If that can't be done, don't deal at all with your past unsuccessful applications. They are water under the bridge. Instead, describe your previous successful research aad ask how to highlight it in your upcoming fresh application.

By the way, if obtention is a word it's an obscure and ugly one. Avoid it at all costs.