Two apples

[chunchuntthn]

Two apples
Bob, a lovely boy, was taking two apples in his hands when his mom came in his room. His mom smiled and said “Could you give me an apple?”. Bob looked at his mom for a few seconds then looked down apples. Suddenly, Bob bit a piece of an apple on his right hand and a piece of an apple on the other hand.
His mom feel very surprised at his behavior. But then Bob raised one of two apples and said “ This apple for mom because it was sweeter than the other one”

Please correct my mistakes.

 

[Yankee]

Two apples
Bob, a lovely boy, [STRIKE]was taking[/STRIKE] held two apples in his hands [STRIKE]when[/STRIKE] as his mom [STRIKE]came in[/STRIKE] entered his room. His mom smiled and said “Could you give me an apple?”. Bob looked at his mom for a few seconds then looked down at the apples. Suddenly, Bob bit a piece of [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] the apple [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] in his right hand and a piece of [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] the apple [STRIKE]on the[/STRIKE] in his other hand.
His mom [STRIKE]feel[/STRIKE] was/felt very surprised at his behavior. But then, Bob raised one of the two apples and said “ This apple is for you mom because it [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] is sweeter than the other one”

Please correct my mistakes.

Suggestions.

 

[Tarheel]

Delete Suddenly.

 

[chunchuntthn]

Delete Suddenly.

Could you explain for me why? thanks.

 

[Tarheel]

Could yiou explain that to me?

A crocodile grabs its prey suddenly. You don't bite an apple suddenly. Thunder happens suddenly. Car crashes happen suddenly. (Perhaps: "The cat suddenly heaped into the air and batted the bird out of the sky.")

Also, consider:

Bob was holding two apples.
(Why?)

 

[chunchuntthn]

Bob, a lovely boy, held two apples in his hand as his mom entered his room. His mom smiled and said “Could you please give me an apple?”. Bob looked at his mom for a few seconds then looked down at the apples. Bob bit a piece of the apple in his right hand and a piece of the apple in his other hand.
His mom felt very surprised at his behavior. But then, Bob raised one of the two apples and said “This apple is for you mom because it is sweeter than the other one”

I tried to recall the word “hold”, but I couldn’t remember it out.