Come-on

[Bassim]

I've tried to use "come-on", meaning a gesture or remark intended to attract someone sexually. Have I made any mistakes?

Whenever he went to a party, Mark used to get many come-ons, but he ignored them, and not because he was not interested in them. He would think of his friend Bob who once met a woman at a party, had consensual sex with her and then three days later, was accused of rape. The poor Bob was innocent, but it took him weeks until he cleared his name. As Mark watched what was happening to his friend, he promised never to go to bed with a woman he met at a party, not even if she were the most attractive woman in the world.

 

[abaka]

Whenever he went to a party, Mark got many come-ons. But he ignored them, and not because he was not interested. He would think of his friend Bob, who once met a woman at a party, had consensual sex with her -- and then, three days later, was accused of rape. Poor Bob was innocent, but it took him weeks to clear his name. As Mark watched what was happening to his friend, he promised never to go to bed with a woman he met at a party, not even if she was the most attractive woman in the world.

"Got" : "used to get" may sugggest that Mark no longer gets come-ons. But the rest of the story implies that he con tinued to get them, and resolved to resist.

"friend Bob, who" : "Bob" defines "friend", one of many. The clause "who once met..." does not define Bob; it merely describes him. Do you see the difference?

Note the punctuation of the long sentence. The dash expresses a consequence and heightens the change in situation it marks.

"Poor Bob": in the context of this story, Bob is to be pitied, and nothing else; and Mark has no other reference to help him choose his behaviour. "The poor Bob" specifies the definite pity he deserves, but contrasts it with someone who is not to be pitied, who deserves the accustion.

"Was": The choice of "were" would suggest the woman was in fact not attractive. But most women (and men!) at parties take pains to make themselves attractive.

 

[Tdol]

The wheels of justice tend not to make clearing your name possible in a matter of weeks.