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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    Once a week, Anna and her friends

    Would you please correct the mistakes in my text? This is just an exercise.

    Once a week, Anna and her friends gather in her home and reminisce about the past. Over coffee and cakes the same stories are told for the umpteenth time, gossip exchanged and old grudges revived. The old ladies are now widows, and they use these opportunities to reveal secrets from their marriages and affairs, which they had kept hidden for decades.

    It was during one of these confessions that Anna's best friend Bea admitted that she had had an affair with Anna's husband, Kevin. For the 80-year-old woman this came as a hammer blow, but she didn't drop her mask of friendliness. She couldn't allow Bea to relish her coup. She looked at her thinking, You idiot, what did you find in her what I couldn't give you? Bea was short and small, and by her own admission, kept her weight in check by eating a lot of leek, broccoli and spinach, while Anna always struggled with her weight. Whenever she looked in the mirror, her mood sank because she could see how fat she had become.

    This was the last time Bea paid her visit, leaving Anna with many questions, which would probably never get answered. On that day when the truth came out, she was so furious at Bea that she would have been able to gouge her eyes out with her bare fingers, but then her rage turned to Kevin. She lay in bed night after night twisting and turning, her mind in turmoil. How many women had he slept with? How many of his business trips had been genuine and how many had he spent in cheap hotels penetrating women's bodies. The more she thought of him the more she despised him. Now when he was rotting away and turning into dust, she couldn't do anything, but she decided never to go to his grave again. She used to weed it once a week. This was like a ritual she was looking forward to, week after week, month after month, but now that was going to end. Let nettles, shepherd's purse, thistle, foxglove and hemlock smother it and flatten it to the ground.
    Last edited by Bassim; 02-Sep-2019 at 08:52.

  2. Senior Member
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    #2

    Re: Once a week, Anna and her friends

    Once a week, Anna and her friends gather in her home and reminisce about the past. Over coffee and cakes the same stories are told for the umpteenth time, gossip exchanged and old grudges revived. The old ladies are now widows, and they seize the opportunity to reveal secrets from their marriages and affairs, which they had kept hidden for decades.

    It was during one of these confessions that Anna's best friend Bea admitted that she had had an affair with Anna's husband Kevin. For the 80-year-old woman this came as a hammer blow, but she didn't drop her mask of friendliness. She couldn't allow Bea to relish her coup. She kept her eyes on Bea, but her thoughts went to Kevin: You idiot, what did you find in her that I couldn't give you? Bea was short and small, and by her own admission kept her weight in check by eating large amounts of leek, broccoli and spinach. Anna, on the other hand, always struggled with her weight. Whenever she looked in the mirror, her mood sank because she could see how fat she had become.

    This was the last time Bea paid her visit, leaving Anna with many questions that would probably never get answered. On that day when the truth came out, she was so furious at Bea that she could have gouged her eyes out with her bare fingers. But then her rage turned to Kevin. She lay in bed night after night twisting and turning, her mind in turmoil. How many women had he slept with? How many of his business trips had been genuine, and how many had he spent in cheap hotels penetrating women's bodies? The more she thought of him, the more she despised him. Now that he was rotting away and turning into dust, she couldn't do anything, but she decided never to visit his grave again. She used to weed it once a week. This was a ritual she looked forward to, week after week, month after month -- but now it was going to end. Let nettles, shepherd's purse, thistle, foxglove and hemlock smother his grave and flatten it to the ground.


    As a general suggestion: you tend to write long compound sentences (as I do!). Consider breaking up some of them, at the moments when a longer pause adds dramatic anticipation.
    Retired proofreader. ESL tutor. Not a teacher. Nor a typist, evidently.

  3. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #3

    Re: Once a week, Anna and her friends

    Couldn't you just say flatten it?

  4. Senior Member
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    #4

    Re: Once a week, Anna and her friends

    Good catch, Tdol.
    Retired proofreader. ESL tutor. Not a teacher. Nor a typist, evidently.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Once a week, Anna and her friends

    I don't care for penetrating women's bodies.. That presents a horrible word picture.

    Apparently, Anna believes everything Bea says.

    Finally, I would say Anna could claw out Bea's eyes with her bare hands.
    Not a professional teacher

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