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  1. bonkiteng's Avatar
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    #1

    Smile a day at after-school program

    Hi, I've always wanted to improve my English writing, would you please correct the mistakes in my text?

    I work at after-school program at a private school in Taiwan. For most elementary school kids are enthusiastic, creative, and fully-energized, there are always a number of interesting stories to tell after a long day work.

    Today, there came a couple auditing students. It not only meant that class is now bigger and filled with more laughters, but it also meant that, to me, a PAY RAISE might happen if I made the lesson fun and cheerful enough for them to stay. So I had to come up with a fun class activity. "Let's make a toy kite!" I thought. I immediately went and bought the material I needed from a stationery store nearby, namely a bag of sticks, glue, tape, huge pieces of pinkish blue and pinkish art paper, for boys and girls relatively, and bundles of jute thin ropes. I was a bit uptight because handling a larger-sized class isn't all that simple, but, fortunately, it turned out the class went amazingly well! While I introduced the steps to make a kite and gave out the material, students were eager to make their own kite cool and pretty. On the last step, we all sticked a foam polar bear shape on it and I got to lecture about the importance of being environmental-friendly. The kids loved it and both the students who sat in during class registered to my course afterwards. It was quite exhausting having to teach a bigger class, but at the end of the day, I felt satisfied.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: a day at after-school program

    Quote Originally Posted by bonkiteng View Post
    Hi, I've always wanted to improve my English writing. Would you please correct the mistakes in my text?

    I work at an after-school program at a private school in Taiwan. For Most elementary school kids are enthusiastic, creative, and fully (no hyphen here) energized, so/and there are always a number of interesting stories to tell after a long day at work.

    Today, there came a couple of auditing students came. It not only meant that the class is was now bigger and filled with more laughters laughter, but it also meant that , to me, I might get a PAY RAISE pay rise might happen if I made the lesson fun and cheerful entertaining enough for them to stay. So I had to come up with a fun class activity. "Let's make a toy kite!" I thought. I immediately went and bought the materials I needed from a stationery store nearby, namely a bag of sticks, some glue, tape, huge pieces of pinkish blue and pinkish art paper (no comma here) (for boys and girls relatively respectively), and bundles of jute thin ropes. I was a bit uptight because handling a larger-sized class isn't all that simple (no comma here) but, fortunately, it turned out the class went amazingly well! While I introduced explained the steps needed/required to make a kite and gave out the materials, and the students were eager to make their own kite cool and pretty. On For the last step, we all sticked stuck a foam polar bear shape on it our kite and I got to lecture about the importance of being environmentally-friendly. The kids loved it and both the students who sat in during on the class registered to on/for my course afterwards. It was quite exhausting having to teach a bigger class, but at the end of the day, I felt satisfied.
    See above. The part in blue doesn't make sense. Did you buy some pink paper and some blue paper? Note that in these days of less gender discrimination, most schools wouldn't do the old "pink for a girl, blue for a boy" routine.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. probus's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: a day at after-school program

    With respect, the phrase "pinkish blue and pinkish" makes perfect sense to me.

  4. probus's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: a day at after-school program

    In "jute thin ropes" the order of adjectives is wrong. But more to the point we don't normally speak of thin rope. Rope is a hefty material. Jute cord or string is more natural in this context.
    Last edited by probus; 05-Sep-2019 at 14:30. Reason: Clarify

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