Precious Stone

[tree123]

Would someone please correct my writing?

Precious Stone

​

I found a precious stone without any owner shining on the roadside. I was so happy to take it home. One day I lost it, and have felt very frustrated all the time since then.

A wise man said, "Gaining is not really gaining; losing is not really losing".

I interpret that as nothing is permanent, and agree with that, however I just can't make it.


P.S.- The stone is just a metaphor only.

 

[emsr2d2]

It would be very odd to find an owner shining at the roadside! You need to rephrase the first sentence or punctuate it differently.

 

[tree123]

Try: I found a precious stone, which is without any owner, shining on the roadside.

Is this okay?

 

[emsr2d2]

No. "found" is past tense. "is" is present tense. At least make your tenses agree. (However, be ready for more correction because, even with those changes, it's not very natural.)

 

[tree123]

Try 2: I found a precious stone that was shining on the roadside. It didn't belong to anyone.

Please advise again.

 

[emsr2d2]

I would change "that was shining" to an adjective and put it in front of "precious stone". Are you absolutely certain it didn't belong to anyone or did it just seem/appear not to belong to anyone?

 

[tree123]

Try 3: I found a shining precious stone on the roadside. It didn't belong to anyone.

Is this good now? If yes, I feel the expression is not that I intend to express. The precious stone was not shining itself. It was shining under the sunshine. I also imply the metaphor that it shone because it met me who really appreciated it too. I would like to make it a little bit personified, but it is not necessary to say it out loudly. However it depends on how the readers to interpret that according to their understanding respectively.

I'm absolutely sure the precious stone didn't belong to anyone, because in this piece I want to use the precious stone as a metaphor to refer to anything, i.e. articles, friendship, etc. I owned legitimately, then I lost and I feel frustrated.

I appreciate the philosophy of Buddhism/Zen which says everything is sunyata (zero in Sanskrit) according to my understanding, and just let go, so people can avoid the emotional swings and remain serene. This is why I quote the wise man's words.

But it is easier to say than to do. I just can't make it.

Would you please advise again?

Edit: remain serenity -> remain serene

 

[emsr2d2]

How about "By the roadside, I found a precious stone shining in the sun"?

 

[tree123]

How about "By the roadside, I found a precious stone shining in the sun"?

What is the logic subject of "by the roadside"? Is it "I" or the precious stone? My understanding is I was by the roadside, correct?

My mental image is the precious stone was by the roadside.

Can I say "I found a precious stone was shining by the roadside in the sun", if my understanding above is correct?

Though this is not important to the idea of my piece, I hope to learn how to paint my mental picture on my own in English.

 

[emsr2d2]

Well, both you and the precious stone would have to be by the roadside in order for you to find it. You can't find something if you're not in the same place as it is.