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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    With this letter, I am applying for a DAAD scholarship. I have chosen to follow a XXXXXXXXX program in the XXXXX Hochschule XXXXXXXX.
    I have found this particular course of studies through an argentine musician I admire, Professor XXXXXX, who studied contemporary music in Germany. As a saxophone player, I am also familiar with the works of Professor XXXXX, from UNIVERSITY NAME. I have already contacted her, through e-mails, and she has kindly agreed to support my application at the Hochschule. Besides her support, next January I am going to Stuttgart to meet Professor XXXX and take private saxophone lessons, to prepare my access exam to the program.


    Since I was very young, I seized every opportunity I encountered in my country to develop my professional skills, both in my instrument of choice and in pedagogy. Though I was born in a very underprivileged family, this was not an obstacle for me to study music. However, it did take longer than usual, since I always had to work and study.

    Through my association with composition students, helping them with their final exams, I came to know and love contemporary music. It has been a turning point in my life as a musician and an individual. Everything I ever felt and thought about music gained meaning. This is the main reason why I am a great candidate for this scholarship. I am a very determined person and have strong feelings about my education and my passion for new music. This Master XXXX at UNIVERSITY NAME has everything I am looking for, given that it covers the technical aspects of the chosen instrument, the performance of new music of different styles and the space to reflect on music through analysis.

    In Argentina, there are many musicians interested in contemporary music, and they put a lot of effort in getting together and with the little information and resources that there are available here, they organize workshops and study groups. As an example, others and I have recently got a project approved by the Córdoba Province University, whose main goal is the practice and research of free improvisation. I firmly believe that with my specific formation at HMDK I will be able to support musicians here to achieve a higher level in the field of contemporary music. My academic background, with pedagogical and musical skills, will allow me to apply the acquired knowledge at HMDK into concrete actions, such as the creation of a post graduate course in contemporary music at my current University.

    In addition to this, in recent years, I discovered a new interest in research through music. This practical aspect of research represents a new field to explore, and it produces beneficial effects for interpreters: the ability to reflect on their own practice and being able to adequately communicate and transfer such reflections. New Music represents a remarkably ample field to explore, research and produce knowledge. This aspect is something I am eager to take advantage of.

    As we musicians know well, Germany is at the forefront of contemporary music. The excellence of its education system is thoroughly recognized, and I wish to experience this first-hand. I retain two jobs here that allow me to enjoy a comfortable life. However, because of world economy issues, it is not possible for me to save enough to afford a four semester study course abroad. This scholarship would help me to cover for my living expenses, in order to being capable to focus entirely in my formation.


    In my personal story I have remained a reliable person, capable of genuinely committing to a task no matter how difficult it is or how many obstacles come in my path. If you decide to generously provide me with this unique opportunity, I will take full advantage of the study course and also immerse myself entirely in the German culture and language.
    Much obliged for the time you spent reading this letter, it is thoroughly appreciated.


    Kind regards,

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Do you really want to use the phrase "Though I was born in a very underprivileged family"?
    Not a professional teacher

  3. Newbie
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    #3

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Do you really want to use the phrase "Though I was born in a very underprivileged family"?
    Why shouldn't I use it?

  4. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #4

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Some might see it as trying to gain an advantage. I am not, however, against using it.

    BTW argentine- Argentine

  5. Newbie
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    #5

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    By the way argentine- Argentine
    I am not using the name of the country, I am using the word as an adjective. Thank you for noticing it, in Spanish we do not use adjectivs in capitals.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 13-Oct-2019 at 13:48. Reason: Fixed quote box

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Quote Originally Posted by verosax View Post
    I am not using the name of the country; I am using the word as an adjective. Thank you for noticing it. In Spanish we do not use capitals on adjectives. in capitals.
    Study the capitalisation of proper nouns in English.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. Newbie
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    #7

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Study the capitalisation of proper nouns in English.
    Thank you, I appreciate it.
    It would be more usefull if you could read my letter and not my answers.

  8. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Quote Originally Posted by verosax View Post
    Thank you, I appreciate it.
    It would be more useful if you could read my letter and not my answers.
    I don't have time right now to read and edit an entire letter. I frequently write brief responses, giving quick corrections to something I've noticed. Editing entire letters takes a lot of time.

    Note my correction above.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Quote Originally Posted by verosax View Post
    Why shouldn't I use it?
    I can tell you what I would do. I wouldn't use the word "underprivileged" because I hate that word.

    Also, there's the impression it gives, which is I come from a poor family. Have pity on me.

    (My opinion.)
    Not a professional teacher

  10. Newbie
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    #10

    Re: Could anyone give me an insight on my Letter of Motivation?

    Thank you for your honest opinion. I was just trying to make a point, a fact. But I see it does not read like that. I will rephrase that paragraph.

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