Before George moved to London

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

Before George moved to London to study his main concern was that people were going to laugh at his dialect and his provincial manners. But when he started university, he noticed that he was surrounded by hundreds of students who were like himself. Many of them had come from small towns, spoke with accents and were confused and alienated.

 

[jutfrank]

The lack of a comma after study is very noticeable.

I'd put one after accents, too.

How did you miss those when you proofread the passage?

 

[Bassim]

Honestly, I had put a comma when I posted my sentence, but then I read it again and believed the sentence would be OK without it, which I now understand was a mistake. Regarding the other after "accents", I also believed it would be correct without it. Obviously, I have to read up again on the rules of comma use.

 

[jutfrank]

What was it about your second reading that was so different?

I'm guessing that the problem here was that you were unable to detach yourself from your own writing. This is a very useful skill to develop as a writer, because you have to read your sentence as if you were one of your target readers.

The reason that the missing first comma is so conspicuous is that the reader's mind has no way of knowing that his concerns is not the object of the verb study until reaching was, by which time the sentence has already failed. I suppose that because you as the writer knew so indubitably that that was not the case, you were actually reading the sentence more from your own mind than from the page, if you know what I mean.

The one after accents is not so bad, but still it helps greatly to show the pause that you clearly intended.

I don't think there's a lot to read up on is there? Here are two rules I would offer you:

1) Try to get some distance from your writing for the editing process. That's not always easy to do, but with a little focus and practice it becomes quite possible. Sometimes it just takes your mind to switch to another task for a while before coming back with 'new eyes'.

2) Read your text aloud and really pay attention to what you hear. If you hear a pause in your speech, however short, it is likely you need a comma (or some other punctuation).

 

[Tarheel]

Have I made any mistakes?

Before George moved to London to study, his main concern was that people were going to laugh at his dialect and his provincial manners. But when he started university, he noticed that he was surrounded by hundreds of students who were like him. Many of them had come from small towns, spoke with accents, and were confused and alienated.

My suggestions.

 

[Tdol]

How about a semicolon before many of them?