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  1. NamelessKing's Avatar
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    #1

    I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    Please correct my mistakes.

    I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might wonder how come I chose that destination when it is deemed an uninteresting state. Well, that's partly true, but it houses one of the most astonishing amusement parks on earth. It's called Six Flags Great Adventure and it has numerous thrilling and scary attractions. The one I went for as soon as I reached there was this rollercoaster called Kinda Ka. The entire ride lasts less than a minute, but I guarantee you that you well get off it trembling. You sit on the cart and it stays motionless for about 20 seconds, then out of the blue it accelerates from zero to 200 mps in under five seconds. You feel the wind hitting hard on your face, and your guts being pushed back. Then it reaches the highest point at an altitude of 140 meters and drops even faster than its initial speed. It makes you feel that you're in free fall. When the cart stops, you get off feeling dizzy and having a bit of motion sickness. It is not for everybody, but if you like to experience a thrilling experience beyond the senses, then you should really give it a go.






    Last edited by NamelessKing; 31-Oct-2019 at 15:33.
    To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    I would change the beginning a bit. Perhaps:

    I recently went to New Jersey. The reason was one of the most astonishing amusement parks on earth.

    (The last time I got on a roller coaster I vowed I would never get on another one.)
    Not a professional teacher

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    There's a comma splice. Can you find it?
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  4. NamelessKing's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    There's a comma splice. Can you find it?
    Is it here?
    ...hitting hard on your face, and your guts being pushed back...

    Also can I say "undergo a thrilling experience"?
    To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    It's here:

    It's called Six Flags Great Adventure, and it has numerous scary and thrilling attractions.

    I should have said missing comma. Sorry!

    It's a good piece!
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  6. NamelessKing's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    Do you say sit "on the cart" or "in a cart"? Is "get off of it" correct? Or should I drop the "of"?
    To live only for some future goal is shallow. It's the sides of the mountain that sustain life, not the top.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: I went to New Jersey a few years ago. You might

    I would say in a cart or in a car.

    You get in in, and you get out of it.
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