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  1. Member
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    #1

    These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    Hello to all,

    I want to write about why art classes can be good for adults. I came up with this sentence:

    These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace and art classes would be an amazing opportunity to escape the monotony of daily life.

    I feel like some parts need to be changed.

    How can I make it better?
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 12-Nov-2019 at 17:52. Reason: Removed unnecessary bold.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    For a start, "so + XXX" should be followed by "that ...". For example, "They are so enmeshed in their work routines that they need to decompress somehow". You should change "so" to "very" if you want to keep it mostly as it is.

    You need a comma after "These days".

    I don't like "enmeshed". Try something else.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #3

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    How about this?

    These days, adults are so entangled in routines at the workplace that they need to decompress somehow and art classes would be an amazing opportunity to relax and escape the monotony of daily life.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 12-Nov-2019 at 17:52. Reason: Removed unnecessary bold.

  4. jutfrank's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    entangled is not a great choice of metaphor. Do you know what entangled means? In what way do you imagine this entanglement?

    I suspect you're looking for entrenched.

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    #5

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    So, I would think this is okay now:

    These days, adults are so entrenched in routines at the workplace that they need to decompress somehow and art classes would be an amazing opportunity to relax and escape the monotony of daily life.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 12-Nov-2019 at 18:08. Reason: Removed bold (again!)

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    I would change "in routines at the workplace" to "in their work routines". I'd change "opportunity" to "way".

    No doubt you will now post another version of your sentence. When you do, please don't put it in bold. It's unnecessary. You've got it in italics already. That's enough.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. Member
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    #7

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I would change "in routines at the workplace" to "in their work routines". I'd change "opportunity" to "way".

    No doubt you will now post another version of your sentence. When you do, please don't put it in bold. It's unnecessary. You've got it in italics already. That's enough.



    These days, adults are so entrenched in their work routines that they need to decompress somehow and art classes would be an amazing way to relax and escape the monotony of daily life.

  8. jutfrank's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    decompress doesn't fit what you're saying. How is decompression related to entrenchment? You keep mixing metaphors.

  9. Member
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    #9

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    decompress doesn't fit what you're saying. How is decompression related to entrenchment? You keep mixing metaphors.

    It was suggested by dear emsr2d2.

  10. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: These days adults are so enmeshed in routines at the workplace

    To be fair, the OP used my suggestion of "decompress". I wasn't actually suggesting that it be used in the final version - I was simply demonstrating how "so ..." should be followed by "that ...".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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