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  1. #1
    Glizdka is offline Senior Member
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    The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    Have I made any mistakes?

    "The clay you were made from has hardened lest anyone can reach you. It's become a shell, protecting you from danger, but at the same time, preventing anyone from meeting the astronomer, poet, and artist who once dwelled within."

  2. #2
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    I have moved your thread.

    When you want your own writing to be edited or proofread, please post it here in Editing & Writing Topics.

  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    I would delete "can" from the first sentence.
    Not a professional teacher

  4. #4
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    The first sentence is wrong. You've misused lest.

  5. #5
    NamelessKing is offline Banned
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    Not A teacher

    How about "The clay you were made of has hardened such that now no one can reach you"?

    Also, does removing "can" imply that the clay deliberately hardened out of fear that people would get in?
    Last edited by NamelessKing; 24-Nov-2019 at 22:05.

  6. #6
    probus's Avatar
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    so that not such that.

    For example "The clay has formed a hard shell, such that...". Such is a adjective and needs a noun to modify. So on the other hand is an adverb. Lots of people get that wrong these days.

  7. #7
    hatimhussain is offline Member
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    Quote Originally Posted by Glizdka View Post
    Have I made any mistakes?

    "The clay you were made from has hardened lest anyone can reach you. It's become a shell, protecting you from danger, but at the same time, preventing anyone from meeting the astronomer, poet, and artist who once dwelled within."

    The clay you were made from has hardened for anyone to reach you. It's become a shell, protecting you from danger, as well as, preventing anyone from meeting the astronomer, poet, and artist who once dwelled within."

    ( I am not a teacher)

  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is offline VIP Member
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    Quote Originally Posted by hatimhussain View Post
    The clay you were made from has hardened for your protection. It's become a shell, protecting you from danger, as well as preventing anyone from meeting the astronomer, poet, and artist who once dwelled within."


    My suggestions.
    Not a professional teacher

  9. #9
    Glizdka is offline Senior Member
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    Is this any better?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glizdka View Post
    "The clay you were made from has hardened, becoming a shell that protects you from danger, but at the same time, prevents anyone from meeting the astronomer, poet, and artist who once dwelled within."

  10. #10
    Tarheel's Avatar
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    Re: The clay has hardened lest anyone can reach you

    Is this any better?

    I think so. (I would remove two of the commas.)
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