Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,886
    #1

    The older Bill became, the oftener

    Have I made any mistakes? This is just a writing exercise.

    The older Bill became, the oftener he remembered his late father. He would talk to him as if they two were sitting at the table, as they had done when he was still alive.
    "You married a wrong woman," Bill says. "Mother was terrible; never showed any feelings when I was young, except hatred, when you divorced. How could you have chosen her among hundreds of others, more beautiful, educated and cultured?" Then he hears his father's tired and cracked voice, "I believed she was going to change when we married."

    "You must have been out of your mind!" Bill shouts. "You must have known she was never going to change. You were well-educated, you have read thousands of books, you have seen the world... What had you expected to get in return from a woman who only read gossip columns and romance novels?"

    His father buries his head into his hands and pulls at his grey, dishevelled hair. "Please, stop! I don't want to hear about her anymore. She had destroyed my life."

    And then Bill is watching with horror as his father presses his hands on the heart, pulling at skin, his face contorted with pain, his eyes wide open and full of fear. Before Bill can do anything, his father collapses to the floor, emits strange noises like an animal, gesticulates and, after a minute or two, turns rigid. "Father, Father, don't leave me," Bill shouts, but the grey eyes of the old man show no signs of life and his mouth does not move.
    Last edited by Bassim; 04-Dec-2019 at 17:24.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,877
    #2

    Re: The older Bill became, the oftener

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Have I made any mistakes? This is just a writing exercise.

    The older Bill became, the oftener he remembered his late father. He would talk to him as if they two were sitting at the table, as they had done when he was still alive.
    "You married the wrong woman," Bill says. "Mother was terrible; never showed any feelings when I was young, except hatred, when you divorced. How could you have chosen her when there were so many who were better looking and better educated?" Then he hears his father's tired and cracked voice, "I believed she was going to change when we married."

    "You must have been out of your mind!" Bill shouts. "You must have known she was never going to change. You were well-educated, you have read thousands of books, you have seen the world... What had you expected to get in return from a woman who only read gossip columns and romance novels?"

    His father buries his head into his hands and pulls at his grey, dishevelled hair. "Please, stop! I don't want to hear about her anymore. She had destroyed my life."

    And then Bill watches with horror as his father presses his hands on his chest, his face contorted with pain, his eyes wide open and full of fear. Before Bill can do anything, his father collapses to the floor, emits strange noises like an animal, gesticulates and, after a minute or two, turns rigid. "Father, Father, don't leave me," Bill shouts, but the grey eyes of the old man show no signs of life and his mouth does not move.
    My suggestions.
    Not a professional teacher

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •