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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Unhappy Please check my motivation letter

    Technology, like time, does not standstill. Each year, more and more enthusiasts make amazing technological discoveries and develop this field of activity. Previously, people could not even imagine that a person could fly from one continent to another, and even more so about flights into space. We live in an era where people with disabilities can replace their limbs with prostheses driven by brain impulses. Now we cannot imagine our life without technology. They are part of our modern society and have become something commonplace for us.
    As befits a modern society, I am well-versed in technology. From the very day I bought my first computer, I was wondering how it is built from the inside. This can be considered as childish curiosity, although I have not lost my interest. For me, it seemed like some kind of magic, and I wanted to disassemble all the details and reassemble again.
    Starting in grade 2, the subject of computer science was added to our school curriculum. At that time, the name of the subject was not clear to me, but I was attracted by the cover of the book with a computer on it, which were given for us before the start of the lesson. When the teacher explained to us what we would do and study during the lessons, I began to be very happy, and the smile could not leave my face. Unfortunately, the subject was only theoretical, and because of my bad memory, it was difficult for me to study. I began to think that it was not mine, and my childhood curiosity, which grew into a dream, began to stop giving me pleasure.
    This period continued until high school and one day I decided to do programming, where there was a lot of practice. After four months of self-training, I signed up for the annual school Olympiad, which surprised my teacher. The Olympiad consisted of two rounds, wherein each of the three tasks was given for critical and logical thinking. Having solved all the problems, I got first place, and I was appointed a participant in the regional Olympiad, where the tasks were many times more difficult. Having received more than half of the possible points among 30 students from different schools, I got 3rd place and talked with many participants. According to them, they studied independently, because their schools did not give them practical knowledge. After all these conversations, I realized that the problem of my failures in computer science was not in me, but in the education system of our schools. I started looking for IT professionals who graduated from our local universities. Having talked to many of them, I was sure that our universities would also not be able to provide me enough knowledge and practice.
    Then I began to start searching universities abroad. I have found a lot of universities, but most of them even if they are very prestigious the countries where they are located have a high crime level. In the end before me was a choice between Korean universities and Hungarian universities. Finally, I have chosen Hungary because I was already familiar with Asian culture and I wanted to know more about Europe. By making research about Hungary I discovered about the program called “Stipendium Hungaricum”. This program seems that it is a dream for any student with an idea to receive a prestigious education abroad. In regard to my program choices, I have observed and finally chosen to learn electrical engineering. Because of it, I have chosen the University of Debrecen for bachelor of electrical engineering as the first choice and Óbuda University as the second choice for the same program


    I will be grateful if I can become an awardee of Stipendium Hungaricum because it is a big help for me to achieve my goal in the future.

    Thank you for your consideration.

    Sincerely


    XXXX XXXX
    Last edited by Rover_KE; 06-Dec-2019 at 23:20. Reason: enlarging font size

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please check my motivation letter

    Two things. One, space between paragraphs. Two, technology is not a they; it's an it.

    (Awaiting a response.)
    Not a professional teacher

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Please check my motivation letter

    You wanted to diassemble the computer and reassemble it? Did it work after you did that?
    Not a professional teacher

  4. Newbie
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    #4

    Re: Please check my motivation letter

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Two things. One, space between paragraphs. Two, technology is not a they; it's an it.

    (Awaiting a response.)
    Thanks for helping. I only learn English for a year. Do you think it is a good essay?
    Last edited by aorazali; 09-Dec-2019 at 11:57.

  5. Newbie
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    #5

    Re: Please check my motivation letter

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    You wanted to diassemble the computer and reassemble it? Did it work after you did that?
    Yeah, It worked. My father helped me.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Please check my motivation letter

    Quote Originally Posted by aorazali View Post
    Thanks for helping. I have only been learning English for a year. Do you think it is a good essay?
    I thought it read more like an essay than a motivation letter.

    (Technology goes back a long way. The first tool makers were using technology.)

    Repost it with spacing between paragraphs, and then I will read it more thoroughly.
    Not a professional teacher

  7. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Please check my motivation letter

    Quote Originally Posted by aorazali View Post
    I only have been learning English for a only one year.
    Please note my corrections above. You needed the present perfect continuous for something that started in the past and is still going on.

    I have moved "only". You will hear native speakers put it where you did but, as a learner, you should learn where it should go. Your original sentence could be taken to mean that the only thing you have done for an entire year is learn English. That's clearly not the case. You should attach "only" to the time period it refers to.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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