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Thread: Toys

  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    Toys

    Have I made any mistakes?

    Maria had been hitchhiking for a long time before finally a car stopped. The driver, an elderly man, opened the passenger door, and Maria saw that the car was full of cuddly toys: teddy bears, lions, monkeys, dogs elephants and others, in all shapes and sizes. She wanted to tell the man to drive on, but he gave her a smile and quickly picked up the toys from the seat and threw them at the back. She sat beside him and thanked him for his kindness. He must be over seventy, could be my grandfather, she thought.

    "Where're you going," the man asked. You shouldn't be hitchhiking. There're all kinds of sick people on the road. They're on a lookout for the young girls, like yourself."
    Maria shrugged. "I've no choice. I decided to move south, London on some other place. I'm tired of the north, the everlasting rain, fog and dark winters. I can't stand it any more."
    "What are you going to do? Do you have any education?" the man asked.
    "I worked as a waitress in a restaurant for a few months, but I hated that job. I need to find something different. And what about you? Do you sell toys?"
    "Yes," he said. We are a small family company. We make and sell them all over the country."
    "How is business going?" she asked.

    "Not so bad, but the competition from the Asia is tough. Still, we have the buyers who prefer our handmade toys. I was at the market in Newcastle today, though didn't sell much because of the bad weather, but you can't expect bliss in this branch every day "

    The man extended his hand behind him, picked a lion at random and gave it to Maria. It's yours, it'll be your mascot."
    She thanked him and held the toy close to her face. It smelled pleasantly, and its fur was smooth to touch. Its brown eyes stared at her as if they were alive.

    After a while the man said, "If you're interested, you can work for us. You'll earn a decent wage and get your own room. You can stay or leave whenever you like."

    "You're not joking?" Her heart pounded. She was touched by his kindness.

    "I'm always serious when it comes to job," he said. "The only problem is my wife who is going to be jealous and call me the dirty old man, but after more than 50 years of marriage, she knows that I'm too old to have love affairs. What I need now is not a lover but a medicine to cure my enlarged prostate." He chuckled heartily.

    "I take it," Maria said and smiled at him.
    "Right," he said. "Let's shake hands."
    They sat in silence as the car drove through the light drizzle and the grey day that painted the landscape in monochrome. Maria glanced at the lion now and then, and every time she met its eyes she heard its voice in her head telling her she would find the happiness she was looking for.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Toys

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Maria had been hitchhiking for a long time before finally a car finally stopped. The driver, an elderly man, opened the passenger door, and Maria saw that the car was full of cuddly toys: teddy bears, lions, monkeys, dogs, elephants and others, in all shapes and sizes. She wanted to tell the man to drive on, but he gave her a smile and quickly picked up the toys from the seat and threw them at in the back. She sat beside him and thanked him for his kindness. He must be over seventy, could be my grandfather, she thought.

    "Where are you going," the man asked. You shouldn't be hitchhiking. There are all kinds of sick people on the road. They're on the lookout for the young girls, like yourself."
    Maria shrugged. "I've no choice. I decided to move south, London or on some other place. I'm tired of the north, the everlasting never-ending rain, fog and dark winters. I can't stand it any more."
    "What are you going to do? Do you have any education?" the man asked.
    "I worked as a waitress in a restaurant for a few months, but I hated that job. I need to find something different. And what about you? Do you sell toys?"
    "Yes," he said. We are a small family business. company. We make and sell them all over the country."
    "How is your business doing?" going?" she asked.
    "Not so bad, but the competition from the Asia is tough. Still, we have the buyers who prefer our handmade toys. I was at the market in Newcastle today, though didn't sell much because of the bad weather, but you can't expect bliss success in this branch line of business every day".

    The man extended his hand behind him, picked a lion at random and gave it to Maria. It's yours; it'll be your mascot."
    She thanked him and held the toy close to her face. It smelled pleasant, ly, and its fur was smooth to touch. Its brown eyes stared at her as if they were alive.

    After a while the man said, "If you're interested, you can work for us. You'll earn a decent wage and get your own room. You can stay or leave whenever you like."

    "You're not joking?" Her heart pounded. She was touched by his kindness.

    "I'm always serious when it comes to work," job," he said. "The only problem is my wife who is going to be jealous and call me the a dirty old man, but after more than 50 years of marriage, she knows that I'm too old for that sort of carry on. to have love affairs. What I need now is not a lover but a medicine to cure my enlarged prostate." He chuckled heartily.

    "I'll take it," Maria said and smiled at him.
    "Right," he said. "Let's shake hands."
    They sat in silence as the car he drove through the light drizzle and the grey day that painted the landscape in monochrome. Maria glanced at the lion now and then, and every time she met its eyes she heard its voice in her head telling her she would find the happiness she was looking for.
    .

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Toys

    You don't need an adverb in the first sentence. Try:

    Maria had been hitchhiking for a long time before a car stopped.

    Perhaps better:

    Maria had been hitchhiking for hours before a car stopped.

    Then there's the sentence with "the Asia". Say:

    "Not so bad, but the competition from Asia is tough. Still, we have buyers who prefer our handmade toys."
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