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Thread: A musical code?

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    #1

    A musical code?

    Hi everyone, are there any mistakes in this piece of writing? This is just writing practice, not an assignment or anything like that. I'm grateful for any contribution.

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    Rui completed his work on the priority that Yang had given him. A secret door was added that could not be seen or opened, without knowing how. Rui did not tell Yang how to open it at first; he needed him to test its security, and after a few weeks had passed without success Yang gave up. Then, Rui played a tune of sixteen musical notes, the outline of a door appeared, and that section of the wall retreated revealing a spiral stairway leading down. Yang remarked. “A musical code? Such a simple idea, but very effective”. Rui said. Yes, I figured simple was best in this situation. Why would anyone bother playing music to a wall”? Next, the dumbwaiter was altered to only work between Yang’s workroom and the house above. After these things were finished Rui concentrated on his nanobot work, his biological studies and experiments. Once the nanobots were able to build themselves, their developmental speed increased exponentially.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: A musical code?

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Rui completed his work on in the order of priority that Yang had given assigned him. A secret door was added that could not be seen or opened, without special knowledge. knowing how. Rui did not tell Yang how to open it at first; he needed him to test its security, and after a few weeks had passed without success Yang gave up. [Rewrite that part. It's clumsy and unclear] Then, Rui played a tune of sixteen musical notes, the outline of a door appeared, and that section of the wall retreated revealing a spiral stairway leading down. Yang remarked. “A musical code? Such a simple idea, but very effective”. Rui said. Yes, I figured simple was best in this situation. Why would anyone bother playing music to a wall”? Next, the dumbwaiter was altered to only work between Yang’s workroom and the house above. After these things were finished, Rui concentrated on his nanobot work, his biological studies and experiments. Once the nanobots were able to build themselves, their developmental speed [What does that mean?] increased exponentially.
    .

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    #3

    Re: A musical code?

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    .
    Many thanks. teechar. Maybe I can rewrite like this: and Yang tried every means he could think of, but he failed to find the door, let alone open it. Also, "their developmental speed" here means their speed of manufacture.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 23-Jan-2020 at 12:17.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

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    #4

    Re: A musical code?

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Many thanks. teechar. Maybe I can rewrite like this: and Yang tried every means he could think of, but he failed to find the door, let alone open it.
    OK.

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Also, "their developmental speed" here means their speed of manufacture.
    Try: "Once the nanobots had figured out how to, they could build themselves in no time".

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