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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    Sara polished the long corridor

    Have I made any mistakes?

    Sara polished the long corridor of the hospital until she could see her reflection. She stood at one end with her hands folded across her chest and looked satisfied at the job she had done. About half an hour later her boss came. He walked along the corridor, living dirty shoe marks, and turning to her said, "This could have been better done."
    You're a little sadist with a little penis, Sara thought and picked up a floor polish and a rag without saying a word.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Sara polished the long corridor

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Sara polished the long corridor of the hospital until she could see her reflection.
    I would expect "floor" somewhere in there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    "This could have been better done."
    That's not very natural.


    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    You're a little sadist with a little penis,
    Try to avoid repeating "little". Also, I don't think she would have mentioned anything about his "penis", unless that is of some relevance.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Sara thought and picked up a floor polish and a rag without saying a word.
    Change one article here.

  3. VIP Member
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    #3

    Re: Sara polished the long corridor

    Would this version be OK?

    1.Sara polished the long corridor of the hospital until she could see her reflection in the floor.
    2.This could have been done better. (I'm not sure about this sentence, but I can't remember any better version)
    3. You're a little sadist with a small penis. (These were her thoughts, and she didn't utter them aloud. In this context it is appropriate, and I believe many cleaning women would think the same, because many women told me they believe that men who are bullies or behave like thugs have problem with their small organs.
    4. Sara picked up the floor polish and a rag without saying a word. ( I'm not sure about the article in this sentence).

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Sara polished the long corridor

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    1.Sara polished the long corridor of the hospital until she could see her reflection in the floor.
    OK.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    2.This could have been done better. (I'm not sure about this sentence, but I can't remember any better version)
    Try: "You could have done a better job".

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    3. You're a little sadist with a small penis. (These were her thoughts, and she didn't utter them aloud. In this context it is appropriate, and I believe many cleaning women would think the same, because many women told me they believe that men who are bullies or behave like thugs have problem with their small organs.
    I can't offer further advice on this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    4. Sara picked up the floor polish and a rag without saying a word. ( I'm not sure about the article in this sentence).
    Now it works.

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