Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: a bot factory

  1. Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Jan 2016
    • Posts: 298
    #1

    a bot factory

    Hi everyone, are there any mistakes in this piece of writing? This is just writing practice, not an assignment or anything like that. I'm grateful for any contribution.


    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************

    Designing a minibot factory was quite complex, the harder part, though, was building the tools with which to build the factory. Whilst throwing away bad idea after bad idea, Rui discovered that after a certain point, the smaller you made a machine, the more like a living thing it needed to be. The Shan Gu De Ren’s knowledge of biology was not very detailed when it came to the microscopic aspects of life, so he had to discover most of those things for himself. Rui returned to studying biology, and in particular, the function of cells. Eventually, he designed a factory that instead of creating something the host needed, produced minibots. If one could imagine a giant amoeba that produced cars, then one could imagine Rui's bot factory.
    Last edited by rodgers white; 28-Jan-2020 at 08:37.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 9,724
    #2

    Re: a bot factory

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Whilst throwing away bad idea after bad idea
    I would write:
    After discarding several bad ideas,

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    The Shan Gu De Renís knowledge of biology
    What does that mean?

  3. Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Jan 2016
    • Posts: 298
    #3

    Re: a bot factory

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    I would write:After discarding several bad ideas, What does that mean?
    Thank you for your time, teechar. Yang came from a very ancient race called Shan Gu De Ren. So Rui tried to learn biology from the knowledge of Shan Gu De Ren.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,104
    #4

    Re: a bot factory

    It seems that you are writing a science fiction book or are planning to.
    Not a professional teacher

  5. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 9,724
    #5

    Re: a bot factory

    I see.

  6. jutfrank's Avatar
    VIP Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • England
      • Current Location:
      • England

    • Join Date: Mar 2014
    • Posts: 10,558
    #6

    Re: a bot factory

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Designing a minibot factory was quite complex, the harder part, though, was building the tools with which to build the factory.
    You've incorrectly spliced two sentences into one here.

  7. Member
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Jan 2016
    • Posts: 298
    #7

    Re: a bot factory

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    You've incorrectly spliced two sentences into one here.
    Can you elaborate it a bit? Thank you.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,104
    #8

    Re: a bot factory

    Quote Originally Posted by rodgers white View Post
    Hi everyone, are there any mistakes in this piece of writing? This is just writing practice, not an assignment or anything like that. I'm grateful for any contribution.


    ************************************************** ************************************************** *****************

    Designing a minibot factory was quite complex. The harder part, though, was building the tools with which to build the factory.
    The part in bold and red is where I fixed the comma splice.
    Not a professional teacher

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •