"It'll be a hot day"

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Bassim

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Have I made any mistakes in this dialogue, which I wrote as an exercise?

"It'll be a hot day. Why don't we go down to the beach and take some bath, Mum?" Kate asked.
"If I'm to go, I've to lose weight first," Diana replied, slicing carrots and parsnips on the counter top.
"Who cares how fat you're? There are many people who are like you, and nobody gives them a glance."
"Many care. I'll not give them the opportunity to gloat and say how fat I've become after the divorce. You don't know how women can be nasty. Why don't you call Alice and Pat and ask them?"
"They're on holidays abroad with their families."
Diana shrugged. "I can't help you. Take a shower if you're hot. Ask me the same question next year. Maybe I'll manage to lose a few kilograms until then."
 
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Tarheel

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Have I made any mistakes in this dialogue, which I wrote as an exercise?

"It'll be a hot day. Why don't we go down to the beach and take some bath, Mum?" Kate asked.
"If I'm to go, I've to lose weight first," Diana replied, slicing carrots and parsnips on the counter top.
"Who cares how fat you are? There are many people [STRIKE]who are[/STRIKE] like you, and nobody gives them a glance."
"Many care. I'll not give them the opportunity to gloat and say how fat I've become after the divorce. You don't know how how nasty women can be. Why don't you call Alice and Pat and ask them?"
"They're on holidays abroad with their families."
Diana shrugged. "I can't help you. Take a shower if you're hot. Ask me the same question next year. Maybe I'll manage to lose a few kilograms by then."

My suggestions.
 

jutfrank

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"It'll be a hot day.
If Kate is referring to that same day, it's unlikely that she'd use will. She'd say It's going to be a hot day.
 
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