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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    Joseph was one of the most popular priests

    Have I made any mistakes?

    Joseph was one of the most popular priests in town. Wherever he conducted a service, churches were always full of parishioners, eager hear his sermons. He had even talked about god and faith on the radio. But his teenage children didn't like him and told him he should stop preaching to them. "Dad, you are not in church now, relax," they would say, and Joseph felt as if they were pouring a bucket of cold water over him. They didn't bother to read the Bible and laughed at him when he cited it, but they couldn't put aside their smartphones for a second without feeling restless. It hurt him that he couldn't bring up his children as he wished, and he knew that the gap between him and them was only growing. They would probably become strangers to each other once when they left home for good. They would have nothing in common, nothing to bind them together but flimsy family ties.
    Last edited by Bassim; 29-Jan-2020 at 19:48.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Joseph was one of the most popular priests

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Have I made any mistakes?

    Joseph was one of the most popular priests in town. Wherever he conducted a service, churches were always full of parishioners, eager hear his sermons. He had even talked about god and faith on the radio. But his teenage children didn't like him and told him he should stop preaching to them. "Dad, you are not in church now, relax," they would say, and Joseph felt as if they were pouring a bucket of cold water over him. They didn't bother to read the Bible and laughed at him when he cited it, but they couldn't put aside their smartphones for a second without feeling restless. It hurt him that he couldn't bring up his children as he wished, and he knew that the gap between him and them was only growing. They would probably become strangers to each other once when they left home for good. They would have nothing in common, nothing to bind them together but flimsy family ties.
    I've underlined where to make changes.

  3. VIP Member
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    #3

    Re: Joseph was one of the most popular priests

    The changes should be following.
    1. eager to hear his sermons
    2. talked about God and faith
    3.(I believed that "leave home for good is OK, but that is apparently not the case.) Would "once when they left home for ever" be OK?

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Joseph was one of the most popular priests

    You're correct about #1 and #2. For #3, simply write "left home".

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Joseph was one of the most popular priests

    They didn't read the Bible and laughed at him when he cited it, but they couldn't put aside their smartphones without becoming restless.

    The word and would work better than but there. In any case, it's two unrelated clauses.

    after they left home for good
    Not a professional teacher

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