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  1. Member
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    #1

    on the right track

    Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? I'm grateful for any contribution.


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    Eventually, Rui’s first bot factory was built, though it wasn’t a total success because only a small percentage of the bots worked as designed. Though the victory was small, he was satisfied, and eventually, he had enough bots for testing. Rui had not expected complete success; after all, the machine was just a first attempt. There was, however, something mysterious about a small percentage of the failures; some unknown effect was spoiling what should have otherwise been a working bot. Because the creation of the bots was the most important thing, he didn’t dwell on the cause itself but looked for ways to minimise the effect. Each bot had a simple computer that guided its function, moving grains of sand to form a word. Although a simple task, Rui was very happy with the results and was confident that he was on the right track.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  2. jutfrank's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: on the right track

    It's very well written. You have a very economic style, but I think it's perhaps a tiny bit too economic sometimes. For example, I have a slight problem with:

    ... worked as designed.
    Although a simple task, ...

  3. Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    #3

    Re: on the right track

    Though the victory was small,
    What exactly do you mean by this?

  4. Member
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    #4

    Re: on the right track

    Quote Originally Posted by jutfrank View Post
    It's very well written. You have a very economic style, but I think it's perhaps a tiny bit too economic sometimes. For example, I have a slight problem with:... worked as designed.Although a simple task, ...
    Thank you for reminding me with your thoughts, jutfrank. Maybe it is better to write like this: Although it may seem like a simple task,...As for “worked as designed”, I think it's OK because the designed functions have been already mentioned in the previous posts.
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

  5. Member
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    #5

    Re: on the right track

    Quote Originally Posted by Tdol View Post
    What exactly do you mean by this?
    Tdol, I mean: Though it is a small victory,...
    Three passions have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind.

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