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  1. VIP Member
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    #1

    One evening, as Tom was repairing

    Have I made any mistakes?

    One evening, as Tom was repairing a necklace in his shop, he watched four masked robbers ram a SUV into a jewellery shop on the other side of the street. Everything was happening so fast that Tom was stunned and unable to react. It took them about two minutes to empty the cases and displays before they drove off. Tom was a good friend with the owner of the shop and felt sorry for him. He was an elderly man in his sixties, who had recently lost his wife to cancer. After this robbery, he would probably close his shop for good. This would be too much for anybody. Tom thought it could have been him instead. He shuddered at the possibility of confronting the robbers, who nowadays showed no mercy and not only took everything they could carry but also beat the staff. Tom's shop was equipped with security cameras and the alarm, but the scene he just saw made him feel insecure. He would have to procure a gun as soon as possible. Better to shoot a robber than risk being beaten by him and his cronies.
    Last edited by Bassim; 12-Feb-2020 at 16:09.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: One evening, as Tom was repairing

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    One evening, as Tom was repairing a necklace in his shop, he watched four masked robbers ram a SUV into a/another jewellery shop on the other side of the street. Everything was happening [ wrong tense] so fast that Tom was stunned and unable to react. It took them about two minutes to empty the cases and displays before they drove off. Tom was a good friend with the owner of the shop and felt sorry for him. He was an elderly man in his late sixties, who had recently lost his wife to cancer. After this robbery, he would probably close his shop for good. This would be too much for anybody. Tom thought it could have been him instead. He shuddered at the possibility of confronting the robbers, who nowadays showed no mercy and not only took everything they could carry but also beat the staff. Tom's shop was equipped with security cameras and the alarm, but the scene he [ One word fits better here than those three] just saw made him feel insecure. He would have to procure a gun as soon as possible. Better to shoot a robber than risk being beaten by him and his cronies.
    .
    Last edited by teechar; 12-Feb-2020 at 19:52. Reason: underline mistake

  3. VIP Member
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    #3

    Re: One evening, as Tom was repairing

    Would these versions be OK?

    1. Everything happened so fast
    2. a good friend of the owner
    3 alarm (without any article)
    4.(I am not sure about this one) Could I write this? "but the incident he just saw made him feel insecure."

  4. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: One evening, as Tom was repairing

    1- Correct.
    2- Correct.
    3- "an alarm" since "alarm" in the above context is countable.
    4- I'm sorry I made a mistake. I should have only underlined "the scene". Can you work it out now? And yes, your rewrite in post #3 works.

  5. VIP Member
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    #5

    Re: One evening, as Tom was repairing

    I believe I could write "what" instead of "the scene".

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: One evening, as Tom was repairing

    Perhaps:

    What he had just seen made him feel insecure.

    And:

    He decided to buy a gun ASAP.

    And:

    Better to shoot the would-be robbers than be beaten to a pulp.
    Not a professional teacher

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