Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. Junior Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
      • Home Country:
      • Pakistan
      • Current Location:
      • Pakistan

    • Join Date: Dec 2006
    • Posts: 99
    #1

    a travel by the sea

    Please correct my mistakes, if any, in this piece of writing.

    1. Joseph would never have traveled by ship, if James, his friend, a seaman in a maritime corporation, had not convinced him.
    2. James portrayed the traveling through sea so alluringly that Joseph started thinking why he had not traveled by ship before.
    3. “You will enjoy the times when your ship will be tearing away the deep blue water heading towards its destination”, James said.
    4. “You will remember for whole of your life the symmetrical flies of seagulls over you, every now and then”, he incited Joseph.
    5. “You will have an amazing experience of viewing loads of beautiful fishes of different breeds and colors”, he enticed Joseph.
    6. Keeping those fabulous scenes in mind, Joseph boarded the ship. Within an hour or so he had experienced all that was mentioned by James.
    7. But soon Joseph realized that James had forgotten to reveal him the harsh times of the sea. Permanent swaying of the ship made
    Joseph feel giddiness and he started vomiting heavily.
    8. The medical staff present there gave him sleeping pills to make his remaining journey trouble free. In his last moments before sleep James
    was conscious enough to lament his decision of traveling by sea instead of by air.
    9. After that fateful journey, Joseph always kept himself away even from watching movies about ships.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    Moderator
    English Teacher
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 9,714
    #2

    Re: a travel by the sea

    Quote Originally Posted by hatimhussain View Post
    1. Joseph would never have traveled by ship, if James, his friend, a seaman in a maritime corporation, had not convinced him (to).
    2. James portrayed the traveling through sea travel so alluringly that Joseph started thinking why he had not traveled by ship before.
    3. “You will enjoy the times when your ship will be tearing away through the deep blue water heading towards its destination”, James said.
    4. “You will remember for the whole of your life the symmetrical flies flocks of seagulls over you, every now and then”, he incited [That verb doesn't work here. Choose another.] Joseph.
    5. “You will have an amazing experience of viewing loads of beautiful fishes fish of different breeds and colors”, he enticed Joseph.
    6. Keeping those fabulous scenes in mind, Joseph boarded the ship. Within an hour or so, he had experienced all that was mentioned by James.
    7. But soon, Joseph realized that James had forgotten to reveal tell/inform him about the harsh times of the out at sea. Permanent Constant swaying of the ship made Joseph feel giddy iness and he started vomiting heavily.
    8. The medical staff present there gave him sleeping pills to make the remainder of his remaining journey trouble free. In his last moments before falling asleep, James was conscious enough to lament his decision of traveling to travel by sea instead of by air.
    9. After that fateful journey, Joseph always kept himself away even from watching movies about ships.
    .

  3. Junior Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Urdu
      • Home Country:
      • Pakistan
      • Current Location:
      • Pakistan

    • Join Date: Dec 2006
    • Posts: 99
    #3

    Re: a travel by the sea

    Would it be OK if I replace "incited" with "persuaded"?
    "You will remember for the whole of your life the symmetrical flocks of seagulls over you, every now and then", he persuaded Joseph.
    Last edited by hatimhussain; 17-Feb-2020 at 08:59.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,242
    #4

    Re: a travel by the sea

    No. Just use said to or told there. (Sentence 4.)

    There are breeds of cats. There are breeds of dogs. There are breeds of cows and horses (I think). As for fish, we catch them and eat them, but we don't breed them.

    I would say James didn't bother to tell Joseph any of the bad things.

    I guess Joseph hadn't heard of seasickness.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 17-Feb-2020 at 12:21. Reason: Fixed typo
    Not a professional teacher

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,242
    #5

    Re: a travel by the sea

    You might try:

    After that trip Joseph didn't want to have anything to do with ships. He didn't want to talk about them. He didn't want to read about them. And he darned sure wasn't going to see a movie featuring ships.
    Not a professional teacher

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •