I wrote a paragraph to practice writing task 1 Ielts exam.

This is my first thread on writing section. I hope any teacher can suggest wording or helps me helps me to make it better. I am supposed to post a picture of which I took the information from, but I do not want to waste the teachers' time by reading and checking the information.


The bar graphs provide the proportion of boys and girls from 5 through 14 whom they engaged in three organized cultural activities and sports in Australia in 200‪3‬


Overall, girls participated substantially in dancing more than boys while boys participated more than girls in sports.

As we can see, boys and girls were almost the same in drama and singing at about 5 respectively, however, boys were slightly higher than girls in playing musical Instruments by 50. It is worthwhile to mention that boys participated in sports at 70. In contrast, girls participated at 50. That shows that boys were interested in physical activities. Unlike girls, there was an insignificant trend towards dancing for men .Moreover, the number of girls who took part in playing musical Instruments were 10 whereas boys were at 15. In addition, girls participated more than boys in all cultural activities except playing instrumental music. The number of boys participated in sports were higher than girls by 20