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  1. VIP Member
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Bosnian
      • Home Country:
      • Bosnia Herzegovina
      • Current Location:
      • Sweden

    • Join Date: Mar 2008
    • Posts: 6,886
    #1

    A GIRL IN A WHITE DRESS Part two

    Would you please correct the mistakes in the second part of my short story?

    As we sat outside a sports hall furnished with military cots to accommodate hundreds of newly arrived refugees, an elderly Yugoslav man came to visit us. After shaking hands with us, he sat on the bench, lit his pipe, gave it a couple of puffs and said, “I went to Sweden in 1960s, and not because I was poor and needed money. It was injustice that drove me away. I had been waiting for a flat from my company and was the first on the list, but instead of me, the flat went to our CEO’s relative. When I saw what was going on and how the communists had been stealing from their own people, I said to my wife, ‘Vesna, pack our bags! We’re going away.’

    She believed we are going on holiday, but when I explained to her that we are going to Sweden, she shouted, ‘You must be mad! What are we going to do there? We know nobody in Sweden.’ I told her the Swedes are more honest people than we are, and they would take care of us. And I was right. A week after our arrival, they asked me how big flat I needed. One, two, three or more rooms? No hassle or bribery, no begging for something that rightfully belongs to you. Three weeks later, I got a job in a factory and a little later my wife got a job too. I’ll tell you one thing, boys. We’re the nation of thieves and petty criminals. When I came here, you could leave your wallet on this bench, and you would find it on the same spot the next day. A woman could put her bag on the table in a restaurant and go dancing, without fearing that someone would take it. You could leave your bicycle unlocked, and even your home. But then came yokels from Yugoslavia, Greece and Italy, and they started stealing everything they laid their hands on. The Swedish police were baffled. They didn’t know what to do with so many thefts, and it took them a while to catch the thieves and send them to prisons. I felt ashamed of my own people. There was no need of stealing anything because you will get benefits even if you didn’t want to work. But tell that to the yokels who had never seen a town or a city before and never learnt to behave like civilised people.”

    “The Swedes must be generous people when they had decided to take all refugees from Bosnia and give them residence permits,” said a middle-aged man, who had arrived to Sweden on the same ferry as I.
    “You must be naive, or you had watched too many Swedish porn films,” replied the old Yugoslav. “Generous! The best joke I heard in years. May I asked you what did you do for living in Bosnia?”
    “I’m a carpenter.”
    “Excellent!” the old Yugoslav said. “There is a need for carpenters here too. You see, the Swedes now got an experienced carpenter and hadn’t invested in him a single crown. As the war is going to continue for more years, more carpenters would come, thousands of doctors, nurses, engineers, painters, plumbers, builders and other workers. You’ll all get flats and a loan to buy furniture, then you’ll pay it back when you start working, but this time you’ll pay the interest too, because this was not a gift but a business transaction. You’ll stay in your flats for a couple of years and drive a second-hand cars, but then your appetite will increase. You’ll want bigger flats in pleasant suburbs and also better cars, and because all those things costs money, you’ll turn to banks, which will welcome you with open arms and offer you as much loans as you want. They will tell you how glad they are to have you as the new customers, and that they will always be ready to help you in case you need more loans. Then you’ll move to your beautiful flats, sit in your newly bought cars, and drive on well-maintained roads and think that you have indeed ended up in paradise, where all your dreams can be fulfilled.”
    TO BE CONTINUED
    Last edited by Bassim; 28-Feb-2020 at 16:16.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 19,990
    #2

    Re: A GIRL IN A WHITE DRESS Part two

    Say:

    All those things cost money.

    And:

    offer you loans for as much as you want.
    Not a professional teacher

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