Here is the essay. Maybe I can write them "Do I have more mistakes that you may point out", or "Do you see more mistakes?".

"Well-known competitions such as
the football World Cup are vitally important to soften improve international relations and to help people release their nationalistic feelings securely in a secure environment. They are considered as to be a kind of bridge connecting different nations to each other. However, I totally disagree with this opinion. The aggressive atmosphere of at those such events often end in a leads to them ending in complete chaos.

Firstly, there have been riots before, during and after soccer matches. That is probably a result of the overcompetitive nature of such events.
For example, the referees are briben to favor one team over the other in a lot of tournaments because of the pressure to win. However, it does not help build amity. People should understand that creating strong bonds depend not so much on what you do but how you do it. When people become aware of the main goal of those events, which is getting together and spending quality time, then sporting events may serve the purpose of bringing people together.

Secondly, that sort of occasions may cause even a brawl. Since people may not accept the fact that their nation's team could be beaten in a sporting event, after or during the event, they can attack to opponent fans and players. When these kinds of terrible things happen, it often ends up with political problems between related countries.

In conclusion, when it comes to international occasions, people may become much more ambitious, and it is likely to end up with huge problems. I hope that in future, people will support their nations or teams without being combative. If we could be successful in putting friendship over our individual or national ambitions, then those popular events will have beneficial effects on easing international tensions."